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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26056837">Fine Line Between Love &amp; Hate</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/firebird394/pseuds/firebird394'>firebird394</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drug Use, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Graphic Description, Realistic, Ron Weasley Bashing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:49:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,702</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26056837</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/firebird394/pseuds/firebird394</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-war. ‘The Golden Trio’ is back at Hogwarts for their final year. Snape survived, and Hermione becomes infinitely curious about the mysterious man. They both seem to be missing something out of life now that their lives are no longer in imminent danger. If only they both could come to an understanding with each other for once? </p><p>A story about the journey to self-discovery, understanding the human condition, and most of all, finding love where you least expect it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Severus Snape/Hermione Granger</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>122</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Future</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hermione Granger took pride in being famously known as the 'Brightest Witch of Her Age'.</p><p>She had proven this to her peers &amp; professors time and time again!</p><p>
  <em>Well, most of them...</em>
</p><p>However, she certainly did not feel she was. Nor was she the 'Bravest Witch of Her Age' as some newspaper headlines stated.</p><p>Why, then, did she feel this <em>compulsion</em> to prove to herself that she was that and <em>more</em>?</p><p>And so she sat alone, lounging on the couch of the Gryffindor common room, at war with herself. This had become a nightly ritual for her ever since the war had ended, and she returned to Hogwarts for her final year. She would sit here, contemplating the satisfaction that she so desperately wanted... <em>no</em>... <em>needed</em>...but could never reach.</p><p>The countless Outstanding's she received on tests. The adoration from fans. None of it was enough for her. And she felt like a fucking ungrateful human being for it. </p><p>
  <em>Your insecurities are showing, sweetheart. And they're not pretty.</em>
</p><p>Her subconscious was a bitch.</p><p>She sighed heavily, staring into the glowing embers of the fire. It was past midnight as the flames began to slowly die down.</p><p>What was she left to do now that the war had ended? Her life's purpose was fulfilled, was it not? To help Harry Potter defeat Voldemort.</p><p>Was she simply <em>bored</em>?</p><p>Her life that she had been so accustomed to, for years, was now devoid of that frightening yet... electrifying feeling that her life could end at any moment.</p><p>She wanted to chase that feeling. That is what she needed the most to overcome her... 'boredom'. Before her mind wandered to places it should not dare to visit. The deep pit of despair that she was responsible for creating in herself.</p><p>It all started with that night. Of the final battle. Her whisky brown eyes had a faraway look to them as she remembered the sight of countless bodies... distorted figures that looked like crumpled pieces of what they once-</p><p>
  <em>No. Who they once were.</em>
</p><p>These were people she knew for God's sake! Mutilated by evil. That slimy son-of-a-bitch... She remembered the smell of death that had permanently invaded her senses for she could still recall the nauseating feeling for days after.</p><p>
  <em>Voldemort is gone because of... him. Most of all him. You did the right thing.</em>
</p><p>Why then, did she feel so utterly bitter about doing the right thing?</p><p>As the cusp of her realization hit her, the flames had gone out... and there she sat in complete darkness. Unbothered and welcoming the fear that darkness typically gave her.</p><p>Darkness that she would soon overcome. She had to.</p><p>For if she succumbed to her boredom, there was no telling what her next actions may be. She would certainly not be the brightest nor the bravest as they claimed her to be.</p><p>✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨</p><p>Severus Snape took pride in being the 'Greasy Bat of the Dungeons'.</p><p>But the war was over. Everything was <em>different... changed</em>.</p><p>Here he sat. Reclining in black leather comfort while his eyes were paralyzed on the headlines of <em>The Daily Prophet</em>. Accusations of, 'The Bravest Man in the Wizarding World', and, 'Bad boy Severus Snape a real-life sweetheart?', were printed in enormous bold letters. To most, these accusations would appear to be positive accolades one should relish in. To him, they were a defamation of his character.</p><p><em>Life was a pitiful existence then, and it is now</em>.</p><p>Snape felt desperation to prove they were wrong. Pondering if death would have been better than living one more moment through this never-ending nightmare, he grabbed his glass of scotch off the side table. The liquid cascaded down his throat, leaving a burning sensation in its wake. He swallowed, clenching his teeth and responding to the wonderful sensation by letting out a breath of satisfaction.</p><p>Setting the newspaper on his lap, his sense of smell enhanced by the alcohol, he reached for the cigar which lay on an ash tray next to his marble glass coaster.</p><p>
  <em>Ah... a reprieve.</em>
</p><p>Drugs became a solace through the years of misery... Numbing the senses... But not his favorite.</p><p><em>His favorite source of pleasure</em>.</p><p>His mind wandered to more... arousing memories. The <em>warmth</em> of a woman's body writhing intimately beneath his. The <em>control</em> he so desperately desired, given to him as he forcibly held their climax from them. While he was given many attributes deemed conventionally unattractive to most women, he had thankfully been blessed with one part of himself he had complete confidence in.</p><p>One woman had said it was the most perfect penis she had ever laid eyes on.</p><p>The <em>power</em> one could wield with a member such as his was... otherworldly. And so, in the moments following each woman's respective tantric climax, he would verbally and physically receive the highest of praise. It was in those moments that he felt his existence mattered.</p><p>While Voldemort acquired the highest of adoration from several female death eaters through the years, Snape had come a close second. He couldn't care less what their names were. He simply took the pleasure he was offered... fortunately, quite often. And it made life slightly more bearable.</p><p>He leaned his neck against the back of the chair, tired eyes roaming to the dark abyss of his ceiling where the light source from his fire could not reach.</p><p>
  <em>Cursed for eternity. Of all the innocent lives i've taken... I should not have survived.</em>
</p><p>Memories of Nagini's attack came to the forefront of his mind. The vicious onslaught on his carotid artery, the venom being released into his blood stream... Time passed that he could not afford, but was blissfully unaware of... 'The Golden Trio' arriving, but leaving soon after... Except for the girl. She had stayed.</p><p>He had known his death was coming before he entered the shack that night. He had the antivenin prepared, but decided against taking it. And then <em>she... the girl</em> had kneeled before him, holding it in her dainty hands. Despite the hallucinogenic properties of the venom coursing through his blood, he recognized the small, green vial.</p><p>His mind came back to the present. Snape wiped a hand roughly down his face, sighing irritably aloud. The insufferable know-it-all had saved his life.</p><p>And he was <em>not</em> pleased.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Awareness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My perfectionism went through the roof with this chapter, and I am still not completely satisfied with it. I guess that's life. Anyways, I start my last semester of college today so hopefully I can still produce regular updates on this story! I do not know where it is leading, but I hope we all can enjoy the ride either way. Hope it does not disappoint! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hermione tossed and turned restlessly in her sleep. She was having a nightmare. A common occurrence she had tried to mentally prepare herself for every night she lay her head on her pillow. She had used Dreamless Sleep for weeks following the aftermath of the war, prescribed by Madam Pomfrey. There came a point where she had to decide between feeling side effects including nausea, lethargy, and apathy or the nightly terrors. She went with the latter.</p><p>An unbearably loud sound reverberated throughout the room.</p><p>She sat up abruptly, chest heaving and gasping for breath. Breathing in a lungful of air, she began to choke and cough. She quickly pushed the covers away from her sweating body as her senses sought to turn off the abhorrent noise of her alarm, and grab the glass of water on her nightstand. She looked at the time, gulping down the water as she realized she had overslept through breakfast.</p><p>Being Head Girl did have its perks. For one, she had the privacy of her own room to do whatever she pleased without judgement from others. She also had the privilege to roam the castle past curfew. However, as of late, she had not been very good about waking up on time.</p><p>She got out of bed, clad only in an oversized cotton t-shirt, and made her way to her bathroom mirror to fix her appearance.</p><p>
  <em>Must I always look so dreadful in the mornings?... Or any time of day for that matter. </em>
</p><p>She rolled her eyes at the negative thoughts she could never seem to rid of, performed her morning ritual of washing up, and started to put on her school uniform.</p><p>Suddenly, she heard a knock at her door. Her brow furrowed as she peered through the peephole before deciding to open it.</p><p>"Hey, 'Mione-"</p><p>"Must you knock so aggressively, Ronald?!" She aggravatingly walked away from the doorway to continue dressing.</p><p>Ron had gotten used to her erratic mood swings and sudden change in behavior towards him since they had started dating exclusively. It certainly did not make it any easier to continue pursuing a relationship with her. He stared at her standing by her dresser, dressed from the waist down but only wearing a white, lacy bra on top.</p><p>Ron admired her body from afar before shutting the door behind him. He came to stand close behind her, resting his chin on her shoulder and his hands around her waist.</p><p>"You missed breakfast. I was worried about you... Can't a bloke worry about his girlfriend?" Ron kissed the sensitive spot behind her ear he knew she loved.</p><p>Hermione shrugged him off her, pulling his hands away before gathering her belongings she would require for the day. "Ron, I don't have time for this. I'm going to be late for my class."</p><p>Ron sighed dejectedly, his arms falling to his sides. "Fine. Harry's waiting for me anyway... I'll see you at lunch then? Oh, and don't forget we have that potion's project in class today. You're bringing your notes right? Cause mine are like... a complete mess." He rolled his eyes and shook his head, laughing at himself.</p><p>Hermione stopped what she was doing, biting her tongue to prevent herself from snapping at him. She turned to him hesitantly, putting her hands on her hips. "Are they really a 'complete mess' or did you just forget to do them?"</p><p>"Well..."</p><p>Some things never changed.</p><p>✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨</p><p>Professor Snape was in his office, preparing for his upcoming potions class with the sixth and seventh years when Headmistress Minerva McGonagall decided to visit.</p><p>He looked up at her standing in his doorway. "Minerva, to what do I owe the... <em>pleasure</em> of your visit?" His tone and facial expression did not indicate sincerity.</p><p>Minerva shut the door behind her. "Oh Severus, how I so look forward to bearing the brunt of your sarcastic wit. However, I do think you fail to forget I am your superior. And a close friend that finds your <em>acerbic commentary</em> rather... endearing." She smiled warmly at him.</p><p>Severus chuckled. "How disappointing." He continued with organizing the papers on his desk, appearing to be too busy to stop working even for a moment.</p><p>While Minerva knew he secretly enjoyed the camaraderie between the two of them, she also knew she had to tread carefully with how she approached him.</p><p>"Now that i've hopefully softened your mood up a bit, I would like to speak with you about a rather urgent matter." Minerva sat down in front of his desk, folding her hands carefully on her lap.</p><p>"And that is?"</p><p>"As you are aware, many of the students have experienced a great deal of post-traumatic stress following the war, Severus..."</p><p>He stopped what he was doing and his eyes, dark and ominous, slowly looked up from his desk at her.</p><p>Minerva quickly pointed her finger at him before he could kick her out. "Now hear me out before you make judgement. You are far too intelligent to cut me off and think I will not argue with you about this until I have had my say!"</p><p>Severus made a sound that resembled a low growl mixed with an aggravated sigh before gesturing for her to proceed.</p><p>"I do <em>NOT</em> want these... children to be subject to unnecessary stress when they attend your classes. I will not allow it. All I am asking is for you to have a little more... patience with them." Minerva pleaded. "After all, with everything said and done they respect you immensely, Severus. Even if you choose not to believe so." She tilted her head at him in a very knowing and 'Dumbledore like' fashion.</p><p>
  <em>The old codger... </em>
</p><p>Truth be told, he was not looking forward to seeing any of his regular students after how drastically his reputation had changed. Would they still find his sarcastic remarks appalling? Or rather amusing? He did not care either way.</p><p>
  <em>I will NOT be changing my teaching methods to accommodate their fragile emotional states. </em>
</p><p>He stood up from his chair to look through his bookshelf which encompassed the entire left wall of his office, while the right held shelving of various, very rare potion ingredients. "Your concern for their well-being is noted. However, you fail to realize they are no longer children. And they will not be treated as such." His tone in this instance and the cadence in which he always spoke signaled a finality to the conversation.</p><p>Minerva nodded solemnly to herself, and stood, making her way to the door. "You are correct that they are no longer children. But i'm not so sure they would have 'matured' as fast as they have if it were not for the mess they were forced to endure. Please be mindful of that."</p><p>Only after he heard the click of the door closing, and the silence that ensued, did he let himself show some semblance of emotion.</p><p>✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨</p><p>Hermione listened carefully to Professor Snape's instructions to the class. This was the first time she had seen him since that night.</p><p>
  <em>Well... seen him in his usual, imposing form.</em>
</p><p>She had been one of the very few people that visited him during his stay in the infirmary. She had learned a lot during those visits. For one, she noticed how Madam Pomfrey had seemed to truly care for Professor Snape like a son. It was odd to not only see how vulnerable he appeared, laying in that small bed - hooked up to several IVs, but to no longer see the harsh lines of disgust - <em>Or was it pain? </em>- he typically expressed on his face.</p><p>
  <em>He simply looked... human.</em>
</p><p>After learning of what he had done for them; for the world. Putting his life before their own. The man she had always thought to be vile, repugnant, uncompromising... even cruel, was in fact a very misunderstood man after all.</p><p>His voice hadn't changed much since the attack. If anything, his vocal cords sounded just a tad lower in pitch... a bit huskier than she remembered. While Professor Snape did not raise his voice much at all, <em>if ever</em>, she did notice he held more restraint before lashing out at the students.</p><p>Now, watching him stride through the rows of desks, he still carried the same imposing gravitas he always did. However, Hermione no longer saw him as threatening as she once did.</p><p>Ron nudged her arm from his seat next to her. "Oi, Hermione, what are you lookin' at? Is the potion supposed to be turning that color?" He scrunched his face up at the ugly brown shade, and then his eyes grew wide, face contorting in horror at the realization. By the time Hermione snapped out of her daze, Ron had already pushed his stool away from the workstation, his mission to get as far away from the contaminated potion as possible.</p><p>Before Hermione knew what was happening, she felt someone grab her with one arm around her waist, their hand shielding her eyes as they hastily pulled her away from her workstation. The cauldron exploded immediately after; shards of cast iron flying through the air, and everyone ducking under their desks for protection.</p><p>The wind got knocked out of her as the force of her savior's body pressed her up against the nearest wall. It seemed like an eternity had passed as she stood frozen in shock. She swallowed loudly, breathing in short gasps as she gathered her bearings.</p><p>Awareness flooded her senses.</p><p>Awareness of the distinctly <em>male</em> anatomy... <em>and quite large at that</em>... digging into her lower back.</p><p>
  <em>OK that is DEFINITELY not Ron! </em>
</p><p>The darkness concealing her eyesight was lifted and she was finally able to recognize the hand of her savior as <em>his</em> palm leaned against the stone wall.</p><p>✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨</p><p>Once Snape registered that the girl was safe, and the potion had completed its destruction of the area, he carefully removed himself from her person. He watched her slowly turn to him; a look of shock and wonder on her face.</p><p>He watched her eyes drift from his own to survey the room until they stopped abruptly on Ronald Weasley. The stupid boy was most likely the cause of her almost getting severely injured, and here he stood, at the opposite end of the room looking like a coward.</p><p>Snape rolled his eyes, shaking his head minutely in disgust at Weasley before moving away from her to discern the damage done to his classroom.</p><p>Hermione bit her bottom lip, her eyes now focused solely on Ron. Embarrassed was an understatement to how she felt at this moment. Now that Professor Snape's body was no longer covering her, she felt exposed.</p><p>
  <em>Her own boyfriend hadn't even tried to save her!</em>
</p><p>Everyone's attention was focused on the continuing scene unfolding before them.</p><p>Draco Malfoy was the first to break the uncomfortable silence. "Way to go, Weasel! Nice 'boyfriend' ya' got there, Granger!" He laughed, which in turn caused quite a few others in the class to follow suit.</p><p>"Silence!" Snape barked. He pointed to the mess on the floor, "Mr. Weasley, clean this up." His eyes drifted to Potter who appeared to be flirting with Ginny Weasley. "Potter!"</p><p>Harry flinched in response, eyeing him defiantly. "What?"</p><p>Professor Snape stalked towards him until he was within close enough proximity to see the well-concealed fear hidden beneath those green eyes. "You will address me properly, Mr. Potter. And you will help Mr. Weasley clean it up. <em>Now."</em> He commanded.</p><p>Harry pulled out his wand, but whether his plan was to hex Snape or to perform a cleaning charm could not be ascertained as Snape's fast reflexes snatched it out of his hand before he could utter a word.</p><p>Professor Snape glared at him, before turning on his heel to stand in front of Weasley. He made a come hither motion with his fingers, holding his palm out expectantly.</p><p>The boy rolled his eyes and sighed, placing his wand in Snape's palm.</p><p>Snape eyed the two of them. "You will clean it without magic, and may collect your wands at the end of class." He addressed the rest of the students, "If any of you decide to assist them, you will be punished accordingly." He smirked on the way to his office which was conveniently adjoined at the back of the classroom.</p><p>✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨</p><p>Once Professor Snape was out of ear shot, Hermione decided to leave the room to go to the girls' lavatory.</p><p>Still a bit shaken up from the incident, and her disappointment in Ron, she had to assess her appearance. She threw water on her face, trying to wash away the humiliation she felt deep in her chest.</p><p>Another girl entered the bathroom, coming to stand next to her. "Hello, Hermione. Are you okay?"</p><p>Hermione looked up from the sink, viewing Luna Lovegood through the mirror. "Oh, it's you." She turned to her, concerned, "Did you <em>see</em> how everyone looked at me? God, if people thought me and Ron were a terrible match before, they'll really have something to talk about now. Ron would have just let that cauldron blow up in my face!" Hermione let out an exasperated sigh. "I just couldn't... bear the thought of staying in that room while they all whispered about my relationship."</p><p>Luna rubbed Hermione's back comfortingly. "All things considered, I'm glad that Professor Snape took the initiative to save you. You should have seen the way his focus went immediately from my work partner accidentally slicing his finger to - well, you know the rest." Her gentle, sing-song voice was already calming Hermione's nerves.</p><p>"Really? It all happened so fast, I couldn't even tell who grabbed me until-" Hermione quickly looked up at Luna. "Is your partner okay?"</p><p>"Oh, he'll be fine. I just performed a quick healing spell after I noticed it. It was a pretty minor cut anyway." She smiled softly.</p><p>"That's good then... But, Luna. I have to say, I don't really remember the whole ordeal. I'd rather hear what really happened from you instead of the... extravagant rumors i'll probably hear around school later. Can you describe it from your perspective?" She asked, intrigued.</p><p>Luna giggled, dreamily remembering. "I did see quite a lot of action from where I was sitting. Anyway, he reminded me of Batman with the way he immediately swooped in to grab you, sort of tossed his cloak around your body and then used his back to shield you from the explosion." She told the story animatedly, then sighed. "I know you're upset that it should have been Ron instead of Professor Snape. But everything happens for a reason." She smiled. "We better get back before Professor Snape notices we're gone."</p><p>✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨</p><p>Once the class had ended, Snape was sitting at his desk as he simultaneously worked and watched the students rush out the door.</p><p>
  <em>Yes, please get as far away from me as possible.</em>
</p><p>His eyes then focused on the resident know-it-all who seemed to be taking her sweet time collecting her things. "Miss Granger. You are aware that the class is at an end?"</p><p>Hermione looked up at him before gathering the courage to approach his desk, albeit timidly. "Yes, Professor Snape. I... I just wanted to say..." Her eyes seemed to be glued to his desk, unable to connect with his own.</p><p>He sighed in aggravation, bringing his attention back to his parchment, "Maybe Gryffindors aren't so <em>brave</em> after all." Snape mumbled to himself, sneering.</p><p>Hermione's eyes quickly darted up at him as she felt a sudden strong desire to prove him wrong. "For your information, I most certainly am brave!"</p><p>Professor Snape arched an eyebrow at her, his intense gaze connecting with hers in challenge.</p><p>She swallowed, quickly speaking up, "I'm sorry for my outburst, sir." Hermione wrung her hands together while he resumed the task at hand. "I just wanted to say... thank you." Professor Snape's hand ceased writing at her words. "And not just for earlier, but for everything really. I'm very grateful to you." She smiled hesitantly, eagerly awaiting a response.</p><p>Rarely hearing those words directed at his person, Snape was now at a loss for words.</p><p>
  <em>Clever girl. Turning the tables. </em>
</p><p>She continued, "I also hope you're feeling better after-" Her fingers lightly brushed her throat, indicating what she was getting at.</p><p>He cleared his throat, "That is unnecessary, Miss Granger. I do not require nor want any sympathy from anyone. Especially from<em> you</em>." At this, Hermione's expression changed from one of sincerity to disdain. He stood up, suddenly uncomfortable with the direction this conversation had gone. "I have a lot of work to do here-"</p><p>"Especially from <em>me?"</em> Hermione scoffed, cutting him off. "I. Saved. Your. Life! The least you could do is let me thank you for saving mine, but you can't even do that?"</p><p>Snape opened his mouth to speak, but her rage would not allow him to respond. Quite frankly, he was still at a loss for words. Hermione slammed her books on his desk, and pointed her finger at him in defiance. "<em>No!</em> You know what your problem is? You enjoy wallowing in self-pity, but the <em>second</em> someone tries to be a decent human being - to show you even an <em>ounce </em>of compassion... you reject them." She shook her head solemnly at him.</p><p>The anger inside him boiled to a point. He wanted to punish her severely for speaking to him in such a disrespectful manner, give her detention with Filch, tell her to get out. Then he recalled Minerva's words to him from earlier that day.</p><p>
  <em>All I am asking is for you to have a little more... patience with them. After all, with everything said and done they respect you immensely, Severus. Even if you choose not to believe so.</em>
</p><p>Snape watched the way her shoulder's sagged; listened to her breathy sigh of defeat.</p><p>
  <em>Was his inability to accept her sympathy hurting her more than it was him? </em>
</p><p>He felt compelled to offer some explanation to her. Anything to prove she was wrong about him.</p><p>
  <em>To push her away. </em>
</p><p>"Miss Granger, I am a violent man. While I am ashamed of my misdeeds, I cannot take them back. Now, if you feel... <em>guilt</em> for saving my life because you believe me to not... <em>appreciate</em> your efforts - you are mistaken. It is much more complicated than that."</p><p>"Professor, you're torturing yourself for decisions you had to make for the greater good! You deserve forgiveness for your sins! How is it that everyone else can see that except <em>you?"</em> Hermione cried.</p><p>
  <em>You will never be forgiven. You belong in the deepest pits of Hell for what you've done.</em>
</p><p>He shook his head at her, "It is too late for forgiveness. Now if you will excuse me, I have another class to prepare for." Hermione watched him in stunned silence as he strode to his office, and shut the door behind him.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Just a Fantasy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello ^_^ I got a bit insecure about this chapter thinking I added too much dialogue, but I also felt it was necessary for the plot and to establish character development. There's a lil' sprinkle of lemons at the end, but most likely not what you are expecting. &gt;:) Don't worry though, that will come soon enough, and when it does - the wait will have been well worth it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first days of autumn, her favorite season, would soon be upon them. Hermione stood at the top of the Astronomy Tower, and watched the raindrops fall gently from the darkening sky, the breeze softy caressing her cheek. Breathing in the cleansed air offered her a moment of relief from her overworked mind. She especially loved the earthy smell of fresh rain.</p><p>Autumn was such a beautiful yet melancholy season that somehow remained her favorite time of the year even as the falling leaves signified dying and the transition to death. And every year, the cycle would repeat itself.</p><p>
  <em>I wonder how it feels to know you're dying?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>...He knows. Certainly more than I. </em>
</p><p>A week had gone by since her interaction with Professor Snape. Thoughts of him had taken a toll on her. The nightmares where he appeared almost always. The depression. Her constant mood swings. The guilt - <em>the guilt</em> - he sensed in her, continued to eat her alive. This feeling of responsibility she felt for somehow prolonging the man's suffering... She didn't understand it.</p><p>She could still recall his reluctance to accept her help. The slight back and forth movement of his head as she placed the vial of antivenin at his lips, which was surely all he could manage due to the damage done to his throat. It was at the point where he was simply too weak to stop her; on the brink of death. It was as if her mind wanted her to believe she saved him simply for her own benefit, so she could feel like a good person.</p><p>
  <em>Why else go through the trouble of saving someone that didn't want to be saved? </em>
</p><p>Yet, last week, he explicitly told her that her guilt was unfounded. He placed the blame solely on himself for his current predicament.</p><p>If only she could get him to understand that his life mattered. That he deserved a second chance at life.</p><p>
  <em>Most importantly, she wanted to show him how much his life meant to her.  </em>
</p><p>✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨</p><p>Entering the infirmary cautiously, Hermione looked around for any inhabitants. "Madam Pomfrey?"</p><p>The room was not particularly lit as it was now dusk. Distinct mumbling could be heard in Madam Pomfrey's office which was located straight back at the far end of the room. The door to her office was slightly ajar; a soft ray of light shining onto the stone floor.</p><p>Hermione moved quietly through the room, the owner of those voices becoming more clear the closer she got to her destination.</p><p>"I don't know what we would do without you, Severus. Ever since the war, my standards for giving medication have gone out the window... The amount of pain they continue to come in here with is astounding. I haven't seen anything like it in all my years of being a Mediwitch."</p><p>
  <em>Madam Pomfrey... as expected. </em>
</p><p>"Yes. Well. Brewing potions and stocking the stores is a part of my job title, Poppy. It's not as if I am of much use otherwise."</p><p>
  <em>Professor Snape! </em>
</p><p>"Stop it. You are far more important than that and you know it. Do we need to start having our weekly discussions again about your self-sabotaging behavior?"</p><p>"Certainly not."</p><p>Poppy sighed, "I do hope you've been trying to lay off the alcohol and the smoking at least, Severus. While you are a very powerful wizard that has astonishingly overcome the impossible, even in spite of the facts of medical science, your body can only take so much."</p><p>"I am well aware of my body's limitations. Thank you for your concern, Poppy," he grumbled.</p><p>"I will say I am concerned about the students continuing reliance on your potions for relief. We may have to have an intervention with the whole school. Maybe you could shed light on your experiences with substance abuse?"</p><p>Snape snorted. "Or you could just stop giving it to them."</p><p>Hermione heard what sounded like a small slap, presumably Poppy playfully hitting his arm. "Don't get cheeky with me. If it were that simple, I would have done it already and we wouldn't be having this conversation, Severus."</p><p>Poppy continued, "I am concerned about Miss Granger in particular. She has been coming in here asking for potions too frequently for my liking. More so than any other student that I am aware of. It's not healthy no matter how much she may require it. I think... with her I may have to take your advise and cut her off before she develops an addiction. Unless you have any other suggestions?"</p><p>"One would think the Healer should be the one to take medical advice from - not a Potions Master." Snape said dismissively.</p><p>"Well, you are very intelligent. I hate to say it... but the troubles she seems to be facing as of late remind me of you at her age, Severus. You should try to speak with her if the opportunity presents itself-"</p><p>"And still, my confusion remains as to why I of all people should suddenly lower my guard to help the 'poor Gryffindor Princess' who, may I remind you, despite <em>everything</em> that has happened, has still experienced a far better life than my own at the mere age of 19?"</p><p>"What would you like to hear despite the obvious answer?"</p><p>"I have no idea what you are talking about."</p><p>"I have regularly taken care of and spoken to the girl on several occasions, and my 'medical expertise' suggests a large part of Miss Granger's mental troubles stem from her saving you. And so help me <em>God</em>, if something happens to that girl, Severus, it is on <em>you</em>!"</p><p>"That. Is. Preposterous!"</p><p>"It most certainly is not. You're in denial of your effect on the girl. After that night, you now share a connection with Miss Granger whether you want to acknowledge that truth or not! It may not be what you wanted, but it is the present circumstances all the same." Poppy spoke distinctly and to the point. "That girl sat in this very room and watched over you while you recovered."</p><p>
  <em>Silence.</em>
</p><p>Poppy continued, "It seems her concern for you may surpass my own... if that is even possible. She clearly cares for you in some capacity-"</p><p>"For fucks sake... if this is how every conversation with you will be for the forseeable future, I will forego the trip and have someone else deliver-"</p><p>"Oh, please. I agree you should not come if you plan on upsetting me so! I'm disappointed in you. Use your past experiences to help others like Miss Granger and learn to deal with your repressed emotions. Enough is enough, Severus. I'm sorry if I sound controlling, but if it takes a heavy hand to get some action out of you, so be it." </p><p>Hearing footsteps, Hermione edged along the wall to a dark corner as the door suddenly burst open, Professor Snape's billowing cloak following him on his way out of the infirmary.</p><p>
  <em>That was close... </em>
</p><p>Unexpectedly, Madam Pomfrey came storming out of her office in a huff, causing Hermione to gasp audibly and give away her cover.</p><p>Poppy put her hands to her hips. "Oh, Miss Granger! Why am I not surprised? Were you eavesdropping?"</p><p>Lying to her was not an option; she knew her too well. Hermione sighed regretfully. "I'm afraid so. While I didn't want to intrude on your conversation, I also didn't want to leave empty-handed." She hesitated, "But considering the circumstances I'm... I'm not sure what to do anymore." She frowned, her voice breaking towards the end of her sentence as she visibly tried not to cry.</p><p>Poppy quickly wrapped her arms around her. "I know... I know. Not to worry, dear. Come into my office and I'll get you some tea. Let's have a little chat, shall we?"</p><p>✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨</p><p>"So, how much of my conversation with Professor Snape did you hear, Hermione? I'm assuming since you are an adult now we can be on a first-name basis in private?"</p><p>"Yes, that's fine... and..." Hermione bit her bottom lip, wincing. "I heard pretty much all of it."</p><p>Poppy nodded slowly, looking at her intently. "How are you feeling?"</p><p>"You know... It's funny. I remember telling Ron years ago that he had the emotional range of a teaspoon..." She giggled at the memory. "Now I wish I could just turn mine off for a while."</p><p>"I recall the fondness you two shared for each other through the years. Has that changed?"</p><p>Hermione took a sip of her tea. "I do love him. He's one of my best friends. But..."</p><p>"You expected to fall in love romantically, but you haven't." Poppy stated without question.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Have you two had intercourse already?"</p><p>Hermione sputtered after sipping her tea, quickly placing the cup back on its saucer and onto the coffee table. "Good God, no! No, we haven't." She wiped at her mouth and her shirt with the napkin Poppy offered.</p><p>"I'm so sorry, dear! I don't mean to pry."</p><p>She shook her head to clear it. "It's - It's fine. Honestly. It's a perfectly valid question regarding my emotional attachment to him. And truthfully, I..." Hermione hesitated, "I never felt it was the right time. Or maybe I realized long ago it never would be the right time." She sighed loudly, "I've been very careful about losing my virginity. I don't want to waste it on some half-witted, immature boy whose only interests are how they're going to get off-" Hermione winced, looking to Poppy for understanding, "Not to say Ron is necessarily all of those things."</p><p>Poppy chuckled, smiling adoringly at her. "You are a very intelligent young lady, Hermione. Now, about your other troubles, I think you may need something to occupy your time when you are not studying. How about a job at the school?"</p><p>"My mind has been wandering more than usual. I suppose that could help... Are you offering me to help you in the infirmary?" Hermione questioned.</p><p>"If you'd like. However, I thought you might want to work for Professor Snape. After all, I'm sure he could use the help brewing... and the company."</p><p>Hermione scoffed, a look of utter shock and amusement on her face. "Me? For company? I don't think he'd like that very much considering the negative way he spoke about me earlier." Hermione immediately furrowed her brow in memory of his words, looking at her lap as she twiddled her thumbs.</p><p>"Oh, you know how he is! Don't take it to heart, dear. I have watched that man suffer a great deal, and I have exhausted myself trying to help him break out of his shell. If you are brave enough to try, be my guest. I think it's about time, don't you?" Poppy asked hopefully.</p><p>✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨</p><p>That night, Hermione decided to take a long, hot shower before bed. She lit a few candles scented with lavender and chamomile, and put on light blue silk nightie which Ginny had bought her for her birthday.</p><p>Walking over to her simple white and grey canopy bed, she pulled back the soft sheets, climbing in. As usual, her mind continued to run wild. She thought about Ron.</p><p>Avoiding him, for the time being, was the one thing she knew for certain she had to do. Confronting him was not on the top of her priority list. She thought it may be selfish of her to allow him to be stuck in limbo regarding their 'relationship', - <em>Some bloody relationship</em> - but she couldn't remember a time when she didn't experience that same feeling during the entire course of their friendship. Perhaps they just had bad timing, or never loved one another in the same way - at the same time. Her childhood crush was fading, and while it pained her to realize this, some part of her always knew it wasn't meant to last.</p><p>She cleared her head, grabbing the novel she was currently reading off the side table. It was erotic literature focused on the relationship between a young woman and an older man with a considerable age gap. These relationships always fascinated Hermione as they were conventionally seen as taboo, yet the two people involved seemed happier than most 'normal' relationships. It contained plenty of sex scenes which is why Hermione preferred reading it before bed. Although she never had intercourse with Ron, a brief period of their relationship was focused exclusively on learning about each other's bodies through other forms of sexual pleasure. She also became quite comfortable masturbating alone, but the orgasms always left something to be desired.</p><p>Hermione leaned back into her pillows, spreading her legs further apart. As she read, she became more aroused. She pulled her nightie up higher on her waist so she could view her pussy, and began to gently rub the fingers of her right hand against her clit. She sighed, quickly placing the book on her bed so she could use her left hand to cup one of her breasts.</p><p>
  <em>God, I wish I knew how it felt to be licked properly.</em>
</p><p>Ron had gone down on her a few times, but she had never orgasmed from it. She wondered if he knew, or assumed she had?</p><p>
  <em>And to think some women even preferred oral sex over penetration! </em>
</p><p>She didn't have the experience to say which she preferred, but of all her experiences receiving oral from Ron, she didn't understand what the big deal was.</p><p>She sighed frustratedly, removing thoughts of Ron from her mind. She began to fantasize about a different man completely.</p><p>
  <em>Prominent nose... Dark hair... even darker eyes that kept the air of mystery surrounding his entire being. His strong, capable hands with prominent veins would pull her thighs apart. She wished she knew what his forearms looked like under all those buttons and layers... </em>
</p><p>Hermione gasped softly, dipping her fingers lower to feel the wetness seeping from her pussy. She slid her damp fingers up to her clit and used the pad of her middle finger to stroke it in circles.</p><p>
  <em>She imagined losing herself in his eyes as his thick, masculine fingers would delve into her opening slowly, assuring the stretch wasn't uncomfortable. </em>
</p><p>She carefully slid her middle and ring fingers inside her, trying to curl them upward in a way that rubbed <em>just the right spot. </em></p><p>
  <em>His beautiful, silky baritone voice - Oh, that voice - would speak to her, his hot breath blowing against her neck as he whispered sweet nothings in her ear, encouraging her to moan louder. His skillful fingers would then move at a quicker pace.</em>
</p><p>She let out a sensual moan. Looking down at her neglected clitoris, she removed her fingers from her opening to spread her warm moisture upwards. She could feel her walls tightening; the tell-tale signs of climax emerging. Whimpering, she rubbed vigorously at her clit, moving her hips to match with the beat of her fingers. She was breathing in short gasps, and her heart pounded through her chest.</p><p>She held her breath for a moment, increasing her pace on her clit. "Mmm, fuck!" Hermione whined as her climax hit, arching her neck and back. A few moments passed as she tried to catch her breath until finally, she moaned contentedly. Her body felt weak and her eyelids were fluttering closed.</p><p>For tonight, Hermione's dreams would be filled with nothing but pleasure.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Acquiescence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I decided to use Snape's POV for a majority of the chapter, but also switched back and forth a bit with Hermione. Do you prefer one or the other? Or both?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Severus was leaning back in his desk chair, arms folded across his chest, smirking. He watched the chaos unfold before him. Clearly, their pea-sized brains couldn't handle the monumental decision of choosing a partner to work with for an hour and a half. One reason being that there weren't enough competent brewers in the class to be shared equally amongst the incompetent. While he told himself he could have prevented this issue by simply assigning groups, a small part of him enjoyed watching them argue.</p><p>
  <em>Such dunderheads... the whole lot of them.</em>
</p><p>He rolled his eyes, and glanced at his watch. "You have one minute to find a partner before I start assigning them!" The majority of the class hastily complied, finally setting themselves down at the desks to prepare to work. He felt a sense of satisfaction from their response to his threat and his continued ability to regain control of his classroom.</p><p>
  <em>Still got it. </em>
</p><p>His gaze swept the room, focusing on a particularly heated discussion between Granger, Potter, Weasley, and Malfoy.</p><p>"Ronald Weasley, switch sits with him right now! I don't want to speak to you!" Hermione exclaimed, annoyed.</p><p>"Come on, Ron. We're gonna get in trouble if you don't do what she says!" Harry insisted.</p><p><em>"Enough!"</em> Severus glared darkly as he approached them, his patience wearing thin. "Have I not made myself clear?"</p><p>Draco piped up, "You really expect me to work with any of them? The only intelligent option is Granger, and Weasley is refusing to work with anyone else cause he can't keep his mind off his dick-"</p><p>"Language, Mr. Malfoy!" Severus' words would normally do the trick, but then Ron decided to unleash the full extent of his fury.</p><p>It all happened so fast. Severus watched him shove Hermione roughly out of the way and tackle Draco. Then, Potter decided to get involved and tried to pull Ron off of him unsuccessfully. The whole ordeal lasted a total of 5 seconds as Snape took matters into his own hands, pointing his wand at the three boys. Like the domino effect, Ron was unceremoniously thrown backwards off of Draco, knocking Potter down in the process.</p><p>Draco took Snape's offered hand to help him stand up, and then Snape proceeded to crouch next to Ron. With his wand threateningly pressed to Ron's throat, he whispered a warning into his ear, "Those actions were not wise, Mr. Weasley... <em>How dare you</em> <em>put your hands on</em> <em>her!</em> I have no qualms about jeopardizing my position at this school to teach you the <em>proper</em> lesson you deserve." Snape stood up and brushed off his robes, still glaring at Ron intimidatingly, "You will receive a zero for today's assignment along with serving detention with Filch for a week. Now get up and get out." He backed away to allow room for the boy to follow his orders, watching him give Hermione a quick glance over before grabbing his books and storming out the door.</p><p>He brought his attention to Hermione who was crouched on the floor, leaning against the leg of the worktable. He quickly brought himself to her side, giving her a once-over, "Miss Granger?" Gently grabbing her face with his hands, he lifted her chin towards him and checked her pupils. "Look into my eyes, Miss Granger." She seemed to be having trouble focusing on him. He furrowed his brow in concern, and watched her arm fall carelessly to the side. He immediately noticed the blood dripping from a wound on her hand. Standing up abruptly, he examined the area to determine the cause of her wound, and noticed a knife coated with a substance on the edge of the desk. He brought it to his nose, detecting the distinct smell of aconite juice.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck!</em>
</p><p>Snape drew her into his arms, wrapping one arm under her knees, the other beneath her shoulder blades.</p><p>"Is she gonna be okay?" Harry asked anxiously.</p><p>"Potter, open my office door. <em>Quickly."</em> He let Harry walk ahead of him and he carried Hermione inside, laying her down on his black leather futon. "Go into the storeroom. Bring me the red vial labeled <em>remedium</em>, and the blue vial of <em>dittany</em> on the second shelf to the left," Snape commanded. While Harry retrieved those items, Snape grabbed the first-aid kit out of his desk drawer as well as an unused hanky.</p><p>"I don't understand. What happened to her?!" Harry exclaimed, watching him sit on the remaining space of the futon and place the back of Hermione's hand on his knee. Her palm was bleeding profusely.</p><p>"She's been poisoned." Snape tried to mask his concern, looking up at him from his position, "I will handle it. Now shut the door on your way out, and dismiss the class."</p><p>"Why didn't you just bring her to Madam Pomfrey?" Harry asked, perplexed.</p><p>"There is no time. Do as I say, Potter! Or you will be joining Mr. Weasley for detention!" Snape barked, eager to heal Hermione before the poison's effects continued. </p><p>With one final sympathetic glance at Hermione, Harry did as he was told.</p><p>Severus first sanitized the wound, then poured a generous amount of the dittany onto his hanky, wrapping it snugly around her palm for absorption into the wound. Now, as he brought the poison antidote to her lips, he couldn't help but think of that dreadful night when she had done the same for him.</p><p>Hermione awoke suddenly at his actions, gulping down her gasp as the liquid burned down her throat. She squeezed his hand, which held the vial to her lips, with her uninjured one to indicate her pain without words. Her honey brown eyes focused on his for one second before squeezing shut, a lone tear escaping. His brow wrinkled as he gently moved stray hairs out of her face, feeling for her temperature with the back of his hand. When she finally emptied the vial, she made a sound of disgust.</p><p>"I know. It tastes terrible." Snape grumbled with a deadpan expression.</p><p>Hermione looked somewhat bewildered, most likely due to the poison effects, yet also amused at his dry humor. She winced as she attempted to sit up, but Snape placed his hand on her shoulder to halt her movement. "Your body is still fighting the poison... You must rest for a while longer." Severus said quietly.</p><p>She paid close attention to how his fingers felt as he opened her injured hand, unwrapping the hanky covered with blood. He first ensured all the blood was cleaned up, and then his thumb delicately traced a line on her palm to feel for swelling. As he began to wrap it with gauze, she was reminded of the night she masturbated to thoughts of him... imagining how those same fingers would feel caressing her inner thighs instead of her palm.</p><p>Snape peered at her around his curtain of hair, observing a blush stained on her cheeks. He could see that her eyes were dilated and focusing intently on his hands. She seemed to be in a daze, her mouth agape, unaware of his staring.</p><p>
  <em>Is she... attracted to me? Or has the poison somehow affected her brain?</em>
</p><p>He studied her features intently for a moment longer before his words broke her reverie, "I assume you have a death wish, Miss Granger?"</p><p>Hermione's eyes flickered to his, and she swallowed loudly.</p><p>
  <em>An understanding of sorts was felt between the two of them, but it was not so easily expressed.</em>
</p><p>Hermione bowed her head shyly and let out a suppressed giggle. Fingers pinching her bottom lip, she raised her eyes hesitantly to his, "Um... how long should I stay?"</p><p>He narrowed his eyes, contemplating if he should leave well enough alone or keep watching over her for a few more hours. Just to ensure the antidote had run its course.</p><p>
  <em>You know that's not entirely true.</em>
</p><p>While Poppy's words regarding his <em>connection</em> to the girl irritated him to no end, he could not confirm to himself that they were completely false. He had not<em> purposely </em>given the girl any indication that he cared for her except for when he had no choice. Surely protecting her while in his classroom was a part of his duties as her professor?</p><p>"I will answer your question once you have answered mine." Severus said.</p><p>She blinked at him in confusion, "Was it not rhetorical? Certainly you don't mean to imply I put myself in these situations... on purpose?"</p><p>He stared at her for a moment, deciding on a proper response. "Astute observation, Miss Granger. The answer may not be obvious, but I was thinking perhaps on a subconscious level."</p><p>She narrowed her eyes at him, "Well, I wouldn't know then, would I? Maybe I do <em>subconsciously </em>want things that I shouldn't. Don't we all?" When she attempted to sit up again, he didn't hold her down. By shortening the distance between them, she hoped to see even a modicum of emotion in his dark eyes. "Don't <em>you?"</em> She asked with a hopeful voice.</p><p>The question hung in the air. She had turned the tables on him yet again.</p><p>His eyes were fixated on hers. "Sometimes it is best to not know everything. Although you might find that hard to believe." Severus raised an eyebrow at her.</p><p>Hermione initially glared, but as he continued to stare, she couldn't help but bite her tongue to hold back a laugh at his teasing. "I do, actually." Their height difference was noticeable even now as she peered up at his sitting form, a flirtatious smile on her face.</p><p>Snape chuckled quietly before looking at his watch. "It's almost dinner time. You need to be watched for the next few hours. If you do plan on staying, I can have the house elves deliver food or I can take you to Madam Pomfrey-"</p><p>"I'll stay. Or whichever is most convenient for you. I wouldn't want to bother you any longer than necessary, sir." She smiled softly.</p><p>"Very well." Snape put his hand on her knee in reassurance before rising to stand. "What would you like to eat?"</p><p>✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨</p><p>When the food was delivered, Snape had offered to help her sit across from him at his desk. Unfortunately, her body was still feeling some leftover effects from the poisoning despite receiving the antidote. Each time he felt a compulsion to help her, a part of him wondered if he was crossing a threshold. She was his student for seven years, and yet here he was eating dinner with her as if they were... friends of a sort. On the other hand, he did feel partially responsible for her pain as he had allowed things to get out of hand during class. To ease the worry in his mind, he felt he had no choice but to help her.</p><p>
  <em>...Yes. That's the reason. To ease my own pain because I'm a selfish prick. </em>
</p><p>He discreetly transfigured the rigid chair into one more comfortable for her before sitting in his own. It wasn't often he desired to sit across from someone to share a meal. He typically only went out to dinner to meet with an old friend, which he had very few of, or on occasion, a 'date'. He was not familiar with the concept of dating from his younger days, but it seemed his war hero status encouraged women to reach out. He had to admit, he craved death when it finally approached. He still craved it immediately after he recovered. But he now found his life being unexpectedly turned upside down; ironically in a good way where that was concerned. And it was all because of this girl sitting across from him.</p><p>While there were extenuating circumstances at play, Severus couldn't help but feel a sense of intimacy was being shared between the two of them. He questioned if he had done the right thing offering for her to stay. Taking a quick peek at her as she ate, she looked perfectly comfortable, if not more content than usual.</p><p>He frowned, unsure of what he should do with this information. They ate in silence for a while longer until Snape cleared his throat, "Miss Granger, I... " He hesitated. "How are you feeling?"</p><p>Hermione could see the discomfort in his facial expression. <em>He is used to being on the receiving end of that question.</em> "I'm still a bit sore, but the food definitely helped. Thank you." She gave him a warm smile.</p><p>He nodded in response, swigging his wine.</p><p>Hermione studied him as his Adam's apple moved up and down as he swallowed, her eyes then tracing the path of a prominent neck vein. She swallowed, breathing in before letting out a deep sigh. "Professor... please don't let my presence stop you from going about your night. I'm sure you had much better plans than sitting here with me... and on a Friday no less."</p><p>Severus snorted quietly, his brow wrinkling. "Are you proposing I leave you alone in my office? You can barely walk without assistance."</p><p>"Well... How many hours do we plan on waiting this out, sir?" She suddenly yawned, covering her mouth with her hand, "Maybe if I just... rest a bit..." Her eyelids started to close, her body starting to lean off to the side.</p><p>He jumped to her aid, once again picking her up in his arms. Her immune system was most likely exhausting itself trying to fight the poison. He was certain the antidote was working, but this combined with the deadly poison still lingering in her bloodstream created unpredictable effects. He stood in front of the door to his quarters, debating if he should just lay her back down on his futon. He did <em>desperately</em> want to shower, change his clothes and relax in his comfy lounge chair by the fire... possibly smoke a cuban. And hopefully by the time she woke up she would be able to walk herself back to her room for the night. Groaning aloud as her body weight grew heavier in his tired arms, he spoke the password and entered his quarters.</p><p>
  <em>Your decision making skills are as horrible as they've ever been. </em>
</p><p>✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨</p><p>Severus placed her on his couch and threw a blanket over her form. She was out like a light. Sighing, he went into his bedroom and disrobed. He <em>should</em> be annoyed that he had to practically 'babysit' her for the night. While she would always be a proud know-it-all, this year she had done a complete 180 in terms of enthusiasm during class. He did not want to admit to himself that he was concerned. She certainly wasn't as exasperating as she once was, and he was grateful for that.</p><p>He jumped into the shower, his thoughts wandering to her reaction towards him earlier. He could not deny he felt a sense of satisfaction in knowing a girl as young as she could appear so... interested in him and his life. Her attraction truly astonished him for he knew how horribly he treated her through the years as his student. He had kept most people at arm's length, and with good reason.</p><p>
  <em>She has certainly grown into an attractive young woman... but only 19 years of age. And 19 years younger as well. But considering the average wizard lifespan is 137 years... Our age gap isn't terrible. </em>
</p><p>He snorted to himself as he lathered his hair with soap, thinking about the way she blatantly flirted with him. If anything, his reaction to her flirting encouraged further attempts towards his person. She was much more mature than her peers, but she lacked life experience. Never mind the fact that Weasley was responsible for any sexual experiences she had thus far.</p><p>Snape rolled his eyes at the thought. <em>The poor girl must be starved... </em></p><p>Grabbing his towel off the hook, he stepped out of the shower and wrapped it around his waist. He wondered what he should wear that would be deemed appropriate... The dungeons were chillier than the rest of the castle; especially at night. He could get away with wearing his black silk drawstring trousers and a matching robe. This way, he remained concealed yet comfortable.</p><p>When he walked out into his living room, he poured himself a glass of scotch at his mini bar. His eyes wandered to Hermione as she moved about in her sleep, mumbling unintelligibly. He moved closer, peering at her from his position behind the couch.</p><p>"...No... <em>Please..."</em> Hermione whined. Her legs kicked at the blanket covering her. Her body started to sweat, and tears were suddenly streaming down her cheeks. She suddenly called out, "You can't!" Severus winced; he was all too familiar with nightmares. He quickly drained his glass, and placed it on the coffee table as he kneeled before her. She continued to twist her body in different positions, thrashing her head back and forth even as he tried to hold her still with his hands on her cheeks. "Miss Granger, listen to my voice. You need to wake up!" Her breathing rate was increasing rapidly. Snape grew frustrated trying to shake her out of it until he finally raised his voice out of desperation, <em>"Hermione!"</em></p><p>Her body froze, and a deep line formed between her brows. Drawing in a breath, she whispered, "...Professor Snape?"</p><p>"Open your eyes, Miss Granger." Snape insisted, his hands tilting her head towards him. She blinked her eyes open, and he saw fear swimming in their depths. "Are you-" He let out a grunt mid-sentence as she unexpectedly sat up, and wrapped her arms tightly around his middle.</p><p>"Oh God, you're really here...," she breathed, relieved. "I thought it was real! I-I couldn't... I was trapped. And then I heard your voice..." Her voice cracked towards the end of her sentence as her throat constricted, eyes beginning to water again.</p><p>She buried her face against his shoulder, and he could smell the nape of her neck. Her normally bushy brown hair was in a messy updo, a few stray curls framing her face. He detected notes of <em>jasmine... vanilla... lavender... </em>and a hint of something else - a very clean, feminine scent. Most likely her own. He closed his eyes, hesitantly placing his left hand on her back to caress it soothingly; his right lightly rested on her waist. He angled his face closer to her neck to breath in her scent more deeply. "Mmh... smells good...," he mumbled quietly to himself, unaware that he had spoken out loud.</p><p>Fortunately, her weeping was loud enough to hide his slip up. Snape sighed, grimacing. Her distress was rubbing off on him. "Miss Granger, please... look at me."</p><p>Sniffling, she drew slightly away from him; her puppy dog eyes peering up at him. Her fingers absentmindedly fidgeted with the lapels of his robe.</p><p>He held her face in his hands, automatically wiping her wet cheeks gently with his thumbs. He opened his mouth to speak but was at a loss for words. Thankfully, she spoke instead, "Do you resent me, Professor?"</p><p>"No." Snape replied immediately.</p><p>"I don't believe you." Hermione nearly whispered.</p><p>"Is that why you have these nightmares? Because you think I resent what you did?... If anyone should carry resentment, it is you, Miss Granger."</p><p>Hermione shook her head, "How can I resent you when I-" She pinched her eyes closed, pressing her lips together in aggravation. "Professor, you <em>need</em> to accept my forgiveness so my mind can be at peace. <em>Please. </em>If you feel that you were so cruel to me then, <em>which you were..." </em>Her tone sounded pained, making him wince. "...then accept that you can't change the past so you can move on. So I can, too."</p><p>He <em>wanted </em>to accept her forgiveness. He <em>wanted</em> to accept the appreciation he received from his 'war hero' status. But with that status came the horrid reminder of the <em>monster</em> he was capable of being.<br/><br/>She continued, "All humans are capable of being cruel. Even the good ones. Most of them aren't capable of sacrificing their moral values to save the world. You did. You made the choice to damage your soul for us... for me. And you think that if I were to feel anything towards you, it's resentment? There's nothing - absolutely <em>nothing</em> I could possibly say or do to fully express my appreciation for you, Professor. You need to do yourself a favor, and accept my forgiveness... <em>right now,” </em>she demanded, sensing his struggle to respond. "I will bother you relentlessly until you do, I hope you realize." </p><p>Snape stared at her, shaking his head at her bossiness. "Seems as though I have no choice in the matter."</p><p>Hermione rolled her eyes and smirked, giving him a defiant yet playful glare. "That's because you don't."</p><p>He let out a defeated sigh, "And here I thought you'd changed. You're bossier than ever," he quipped.</p><p>She gave him a pointed look, and he finally conceded.</p><p>
  <em>"I accept your forgiveness." </em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'd say things are progressing nicely 😝 I do not have a set publishing schedule. You can follow my Wattpad for updates: SincerelySnape :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Contract</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"I accept your forgiveness."</em>
</p><p>A giddy feeling washed over Hermione. Once his words sunk in, she couldn't contain the smile of absolute joy she felt for finally making progress with him. She spoke quietly, "Thank you."</p><p>He heard her take in a breath as if to say something else, but then she bit her lip in hesitation. Severus rolled his eyes and released an exhausted sigh. "I should have known you weren't finished. What is it, Miss Granger?" He raised his eyebrows in invitation.</p><p>She admired his facial features for a few moments, debating if she should say anything else. Except for being poisoned, Hermione felt that tonight was one of the best nights she had in a long time. Sitting in Professor Snape's quarters while talking to him about private thoughts, and getting him to open up even just for a short time was priceless to her.</p><p>Smiling contently, she shook her head in the negative, "It can wait."</p><p>Severus nodded in agreement. The last few hours had been so unpredictable and full of surprises; both good and bad. While he was curious to hear what she had to say, he couldn't wait to relax and go to bed. However, as he stood up to do just that, groaning from the effort, he realized that he didn't quite know how to go forward from here. Hermione was sitting on his couch, looking expectantly up at him, most likely wondering the same thing. Certainly she couldn't sleep in his quarters for the night; it was entirely inappropriate. Then again, she was already here. It wouldn't be wise to risk running into anyone by walking her back to her room at this hour.</p><p>Severus rubbed the back of his neck, and glanced at his clock. "It's getting late, and I'm going to retire for the night. If you are able to walk... I would suggest going back to your room. <em>However,</em> you may stay the night if you must. If you need to wash up, there are extra toiletries in the linen closet which is located in the bathroom."</p><p>As he turned away, she asked, "Where's the bathroom, sir?"</p><p>Opening his bedroom door, he turned back to her, "Unfortunately, it is in my bedroom. I would prefer you use it now so we can avoid any... mishaps in the middle of the night." He pressed his lips together anxiously as he awaited her response.</p><p>She attempted to stand up on her own, bracing her hand on the couch cushion. She was able to follow him through his bedroom with no issues, but once she entered the bathroom, a dizzy spell hit her. Hermione closed her eyes and leaned against the white marble sink with her hands. Severus had quickly rushed beside her, gently holding her around the waist to ensure she wouldn't fall.</p><p>Hermione groaned in aggravation, "You must hate me for putting you through this." Then she mumbled to herself, "God, I feel like a fucking invalid."</p><p>
  <em>"Language, Miss Granger."</em>
</p><p>"We're both grown adults regardless of your title! After everything we have both been through tonight, I think I should be able to curse <em>at least once!"</em> She snapped, glaring at him in the mirror.</p><p>Severus' nostrils flared at her outburst, giving her a much more intimidating glare. "I would strongly advise you to watch your tone towards me, Miss Granger."</p><p>"Oh, would you please stop calling me that! We are both standing in your bathroom, standing unusually close, mind you, and you act is if we are in a formal setting. Just call me by my name for Christ's sake!" Hermione said, letting out a deep sigh as she looked away from him to get her emotions in check. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm just as tired as you..."</p><p>Severus watched her distressed appearance in the mirror. He supposed there wasn't really any harm in using each other's first names in private due to the fact that he had overstepped several boundaries tonight already.</p><p>
  <em>You're taking advantage of the situation, and you need to stop encouraging this relationship... </em>
</p><p>
  <em>However, she is unwell at the moment; mentally and physically. She needs your help. The least you could do is oblige her instead of upsetting her further.</em>
</p><p>"How about we make a deal? You may call me by mine, I may call you by yours. In privacy only." Severus watched her reaction in the mirror. Her eyes immediately lit up, and she gave him a slow smile, "Deal."</p><p>"Let's get you ready for bed," he said softly. Once Severus gathered all the necessary toiletries for her, she was able to wash up on her own. Well, with the help of a transfigured chair for the shower. It was quite useful, although it made her feel more disabled.</p><p>Wrapping the grey fluffy towel around her body, she realized she had no pajamas. <em>Maybe I can borrow something of his?</em> It's not as if he should expect her to sleep in her dirty clothes!</p><p>Hermione opened the door slightly, peering at him around the doorframe. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, reading a book. "Um... Severus?"</p><p>"Yes?" He looked at her form through the crack in the doorway, catching a glimpse of her shiny legs and red painted toenails.</p><p>"I don't suppose I could borrow a long shirt for bed?" She bit her lip, shivering a bit from the cool air. She watched him get up and rummage through his drawers, taking out a long sleeve white button down. He offered it to her with a stoic expression.</p><p>"Thank you," she said with a shy smile before closing the door.</p><p>Severus sat down on the edge of his bed, leaning his head into his hands. He began to chastise himself for not thinking this through. He prayed the shirt - <em>his shirt </em>- covered her body well enough not to tempt him. It wasn't often he had an attractive young witch walking half-naked around his quarters...</p><p>
  <em>Bloody hell. Do you hear yourself? She may appear to be attracted to you, but you cannot entertain the idea. </em>
</p><p>He watched Hermione enter the room, clad in<em> his </em>oversized shirt.</p><p>
  <em>What a sight.</em>
</p><p>"I'm all done if you need to go in there." She looked down at her appearance, trying to pull the shirt down over her thighs, "It's a bit risque', don't you think?" Before Severus could think of a response, she had timidly sat down next to him. "Severus-" He let out what sounded like an annoyed sigh to her ears. Hermione winced, suddenly feeling insecure, "Forget it - I'm sorry." She went to stand, but he quickly grabbed her wrist.</p><p>"No... I have something to say as well." The insistence in his voice made her sit back down.</p><p>"Okay. Should I go first?" Hermione asked.</p><p>"Please."</p><p>"Well, I - I really just wanted to say that..." She swallowed, taking a breath, "I appreciate you taking care of me tonight. However, if you feel <em>obligated</em> in anyway - you should know that... you don't owe me anything. I've known you for seven years, and I would never have expected you to ever show sympathy towards <em>me</em> of all people." She noticed Severus wrinkled his brow at this, but beyond that, he showed no emotion. "<em>But</em> you have. And I'm very sorry if I have made you uncomfortable with my forwardness to... get to know you, I guess." Hermione said sincerely, looking down at her lap.</p><p>A period of silence followed, and Hermione was beginning to get antsy. She looked up at him, and their gaze met. His eyes were the purest of black she had ever seen; as endless as the ocean; no matter how deep you searched, there would always be more to discover. Severus Snape, as a whole, was like that.</p><p>When Hermione Granger became curious about something, there was little that could stop her from feeding that curiosity. And in this moment of <em>connection</em> they shared, Hermione wanted nothing more than to find out just how deep she could reach with him.</p><p>"I don't believe getting to know me is such a wise undertaking, Hermione. The things I have done-"</p><p>"I don't care about who you were, or what you <em>had</em> to do. I care about who you <em>are.</em> Don't you understand? You're important to me..." Hermione said.</p><p>At these last words, Severus shook his head in disapproval and stood to distance himself from her. He sat on the opposite end of the bed, his back to her, and ran a hand over his face roughly.</p><p>
  <em>Make her regret those words. You don't deserve her. Tell her to go to bed, and leave as soon as she wakes up. That you don't want to pursue any type of 'relationship' with her. That you have far more important things to do than coddle her all night. </em>
</p><p>"I'm not... capable of reciprocating those sentiments, Miss Granger." He paused to reflect. "Even if I was, your boldness can only be attributed to naïveté... I will not take advantage of that."</p><p>Hermione grew worried; not only from his tone, but his use of her formal title. She quickly climbed toward him with her knees. "I may be naive, but I'm being honest with you. Please don't push me away." She said, terror in her voice. She wanted so badly to touch him. But she feared he would not welcome it, and his temper at her actions would cause her more upset. So, she sat as close as possible to him, her legs folded underneath her. Hoping he would turn to her to initiate <em>something. </em></p><p>Severus slowly turned his head, genuinely befuddled at her plea. He adjusted his position on the bed to face her completely while one leg hung off the side. His eyes briefly roamed over her form, from her clean shaven thighs... to the curve of her neck... her rosy lips... button nose, and finally, her honey brown eyes.</p><p>
  <em>God, she is beautiful...</em>
</p><p>He swallowed, wrinkling his brow. "Why would you... I don't know what you're asking of me, Hermione. And I certainly don't understand why."</p><p>At the sudden sound of her name falling from his lips, she inched even closer. With trepidation, she leaned her forehead on his shoulder, shyly hiding her face from his view. She gently grasped his hand, and began to carefully examine every inch with her finger tips. She first stroked her fingers lovingly on his palm, then studied the length of his fingers, noticing their thickness in comparison to hers. His fingernails were cut short and clean despite how often he used them for work. Her gaze fell on a small scar peeking out from his shirt sleeve. She attempted to move the sleeve down with her thumb, "Where did you get this scar from?"</p><p>Severus quickly grasped her hand to stop its movement. "What are you doing?" He asked softly.</p><p>Hermione whispered, "Is it so much to ask to be close to you?"</p><p>"Trust me, you do not want that." He insisted.</p><p>Hermione rolled her eyes, snuggling closer to his side without worry for any repercussions she may face as a result. After a few moments of contemplation, Severus looked down at her innocent, barely awake face. Her eyes were closed, and her breathing slowed. Her actions tonight proved to him that she believed she was safe with him, and that she could trust him.</p><p>
  <em>But at what cost? </em>
</p><p>"Hermione... You can't sleep here." Severus whispered gently. Hermione groaned after several attempts to move her. Giving up, he situated himself more comfortably on the bed, reluctantly dragging Hermione, who was glued to his side, along with him. He sighed, extremely aware of her body snuggled up close but also entirely unmotivated to carry her back onto the couch. At least keeping her in close proximity may prevent another nightmare. She appeared the same as when they ate dinner together earlier; content and at peace.</p><p>Severus turned the lamp light off, and once he heard the sounds of deep breathing, he looked down at her sleeping form next to him. In the darkness, he said quietly, "I don't hate you."</p><p>✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨</p><p>It was Saturday morning. Severus had woken early to find Hermione still in a deep sleep, snuggled up against him. He contemplated his... predicament, as it were. He was able to admit to himself that her desire to insert herself into his life wasn't entirely unwelcome. While he was quite accustomed to being lonely, and always held himself to strict standards, he was also just a man with wants, needs, and desires. He had sacrificed years of his life defying what most men would require for survival. Hermione had literally given him the chance to finally take control of his life... he couldn't possibly deny her whatever she required from him in return.</p><p>Her head was resting on his chest, but her arms and legs were held close to her body in a fetal position. She was shivering. He gently rose from the bed so as not to disturb her, replacing the empty space with a pillow for her head, and threw a fleece blanket over her. He ashamedly caught a glimpse of her sex while doing so, and felt a brief stirring in his loins.</p><p>
  <em>Whose fault is that really? You gave her no bottoms! You sly dog... </em>
</p><p>Entering his kitchen area, he couldn't help but wonder if she was <em>untouched.</em> Most girls her age weren't, but Hermione was different than most.</p><p>
  <em>What the hell have I gotten myself into? I must be losing my mind.</em>
</p><p>About an hour later, Hermione walked into his kitchen with the blanket wrapped around her. "Morning. Wow... Did you make all this?" She asked, sitting down at the island counter.</p><p>"Indeed. Help yourself." He gestured to the plates of food which consisted of bacon, sausage, eggs. There was also a glass of orange juice for her, and a tea service if needed. "I presume you slept well? I didn't hear you have any nightmares in the middle of the night." Severus was sitting across from her, a newspaper in front of him.</p><p>"No nightmares." She shook her head, giving him a knowing look. "I haven't slept that good in... a <em>very</em> long time. Did you sleep well?" She stabbed a sausage with her fork, biting into it.</p><p>He continued reading his paper, and tilted his head to the side in contemplation. "It wasn't... particularly unpleasant."</p><p>Hermione smirked, knowing what that statement truly meant. "I'm surprised it wasn't torturesome for you. After all we've been through."</p><p>Severus wisely picked up on her double entendre, but played it cool in case he mistook her meaning. "I do have rather fond memories of being tortured. Quite a bit of experience being the torturer as well." He smirked, trying to rattle her with the mention of his past transgressions. He then gazed intensely at her, "If your goal was to torture me, you'll have to try much harder than that, Miss Granger."</p><p>Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh, we're back to <em>Miss Granger</em> then. You know, despite you saying otherwise, if my presence in your bed was bothersome, you could have slept on the couch."</p><p>He raised his eyebrows, "And be kicked out of my own bed? Not a chance."</p><p>They ate in silence for a while, stealing quick glances at each other while the other was unaware.</p><p>She finally broke the silence. "I think we should do it again sometime."</p><p>"Do what, exactly?" His brow wrinkled.</p><p>"This. Meet in your quarters... to talk. Maybe meet here for lunch or dinner now and then. I mean, it's not like we can be seen together outside of these walls without people asking inane questions."</p><p>His mouth opened, and he just gave her a serious yet deeply confused look.</p><p>"Not that I'm ashamed to be seen with you! Or maybe you don't want to be seen with me?" She paused briefly but his expression did not change. Hermione sighed, "Either way, you may not want to admit it, but there <em>is</em> a possibility we could enjoy each other's company for more than a day. I honestly think it could be healthy for both of us. I mean, you're quite hard to read so... you may have been suffering this entire time, and I wouldn't even know it. If that's the case, then forget I said anything, but-"</p><p>"Miss Granger-" He tried to interrupt what he knew was quickly turning into a long, unending speech, but she spoke again.</p><p>"God, from having to deal with schoolwork, terrible insomnia - never mind the nightmares when I do sleep, depression, <em>and on top of that,</em> avoiding confrontation with my lousy significant other; his sister and best friend breathing down my neck about what's going on - I literally have no freedom!" She groaned, leaning her head into her hand, elbow on the table.</p><p>"Now I see the dilemma." He grumbled, sighing heavily. "You need a hideaway. And I'm guessing you tried the library, but-"</p><p>"That's the first place they'll look." She finished his thought.</p><p>"So you'd like my hideaway to become yours as well." He stated without question.<br/>"I'm sure I don't need to remind you to be as discreet as possible? Lest your current problems will pale in comparison to what will surely happen should any of your friends find out you've been spending 'leisure' time with the 'Bat of the Dungeons'." He rolled his eyes as he spoke the nickname.</p><p>"Yeah, well, little do they know, you're far more interesting to be around than them, that's for sure..." She smirked up at him, blushing softly. "You can trust me not to say a word. I promise, Severus."</p><p>He nodded in acceptance. "A bulletproof contract will need to be made to cover both our backs should any problems arise."</p><p>"That sounds reasonable. Why don't we start making it right now?" She suggested.</p><p>"Agreed. Now is as good a time as any, I think." He said.</p><p>"Okay, well, what if I became your assistant, of a sort?" She smiled proudly at the idea.</p><p>Severus smiled wryly. "Ah, so I do get something out of this deal. I'm surprised you're not worried I might take advantage of this contract and work you to a pulp, Miss Granger."</p><p>Hermione scoffed. "Contrary to everyone else, I'm not scared of you."</p><p>"Oh, really?" He asked, unconvinced.</p><p>"Really." She folded her arms across her chest in defiance.</p><p>"You should be." He threatened playfully.</p><p>✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨</p><p>The contract made, Hermione dressed into her clothes from the previous day and finally left his quarters; a pep in her step as she headed to her private dorm room.</p><p>As she turned a corner, Harry and Ron came rushing towards her. "There you are, Hermione!" Harry exclaimed. "We were on our way to get a few games of Quidditch in, you coming?"</p><p>"Oh, you know how I love to watch you two go at it-" She said sarcastically. "But I really should catch up on some assignments." They followed her to her door, and as she reached to turn the knob, Ron lightly grabbed her upper arm to gain her attention. "Hey, 'Mione, listen..." She side-eyed him suspiciously, causing him to remove his hand, but he moved closer, inserting himself between her and the door.</p><p>"I was thinking we could have lunch by the lake after, kind of like a... picnic I guess." Ron rubbed the back of his neck nervously, indicating to Harry to give them a moment of privacy. Harry understood the gesture, putting his hands in his pockets and walking a short way down the hall.</p><p>Ron continued. "I know I've been a real wanker lately, and I'm starting to understand why you're avoiding me. But I promise if you just give me some time, I'll listen to everything you wanna say. I've been too stubborn to see your side of things... I get it, and I'm sorry. Plus! It's a nice day out, and Harry's gonna meet Ginny for lunch so it works out."</p><p>Hermione bit her lip in contemplation, giving him a once-over. "I have to say... I didn't expect an apology from you, Ron. Like, seriously, ever." She folded her arms across her chest.</p><p>"Oh, come on. I'd do anything for you, Hermione!"</p><p>"Yeah, except save me from an exploding cauldron." She replied snidely, glaring at him.</p><p>"That's not fair. I'm not good at snap decisions!" Ron exclaimed.</p><p>"Alright! Look. I don't want to fight. I need to freshen up a bit... I'll meet you both at the pitch in half an hour." She conceded. "Now please move away from my door, Ronald."</p><p>He did as he was told. Watching Hermione shut the door behind her, he began to walk away towards Harry. "Blimey, I got my hands full... I do love her, though."</p><p>Harry pressed his lips together, patting his best friend on the back. "Yeah, well, it's Hermione. I'm sure she feels the same way." He smirked. "Except maybe the love part."</p><p>Ron shoved him lightly, scowling. "Git." As they walked to their destination, he spoke again. "Did you notice she was wearing the same clothes as yesterday? If she wasn't in the infirmary when we checked this morning, then where the bloody hell was she all night?"</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. A Lengthy Conversation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm soooo sorry for taking so long to post this chapter! I got caught up with schoolwork, and then a bit of writer's block... I feel like I don't want to get ahead of myself with this fic. Perfectionism strikes again. Anyways, hope you enjoy! xo</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> A few weeks later. </em>
</p><p>“You’re certainly good at this. Why am I not surprised?” Hermione asked with a smirk.</p><p>“Care to elaborate?” Severus raised an eyebrow, moving his chess piece to knock over her pawn. </p><p>“All I know is that you’re obviously intelligent, and a loner... which I have to say, you seem quite comfortable with accepting. I can understand enjoying alone time, but too much of it can be... depressing.” She gazed curiously, awaiting a defensive reaction to her assessment of him, but receiving only a blank stare. “Hm. I’m rather jealous of how you don’t let other people’s opinions affect you.” She stared at the chess board, contemplating her next move. </p><p>“I don’t let them affect me because they don’t know me,” he stated.</p><p>“But I know you.”</p><p>He scoffed. “Not even close.” </p><p>They focused on their game for a few moments until Hermione broke the silence. “You know, Ron is very good at chess as well. Most people assume otherwise.” She blushed lightly at the thought of him. </p><p>When they finally spoke about their relationship a few weeks ago, Hermione had told Ron she would give him one last chance to make things right. He had told her that just the thought of losing her scared the shit out of him, and every day since, he had been trying his damndest to please her. Especially when she finally succumbed to his incessant begging to touch her intimately. Only this time unlike the others, he made sure to pay attention to how she responded. She still felt his oral skills could use work, but she appreciated his effort. </p><p>Breaking out of her thoughts, she caught Snape rolling his eyes, but his face remained passive. </p><p>“What was that for?” </p><p>“What?” he asked innocently.</p><p>“You just rolled your eyes. Presumably because of something I said?” she accused.</p><p>“If you’re going to scrutinize my every move, this mutual arrangement will cease to exist.” </p><p>Hermione crossed her arms over her chest, smirking at his words. “I can’t tell if you’re worried or hopeful... Look, I know you’re not particularly fond of my friends-“ </p><p>“Understatement of the year.” Snape grumbled.</p><p>“Well, pardon me for thinking I could speak my mind without being ridiculed for it!”</p><p>“Ugh, please spare me the theatrics, Miss Granger. Unless you are asking for advice, I don’t have anything to say on the matter of Mr. Weasley.” </p><p>“Fine...” She sighed, pressing her cheek into her palm. “I suppose I shouldn’t get my hopes up about him too early. Never know with Ron.” She rolled her eyes. “Don’t you have anything you’d like to vent about?”</p><p>“Checkmate.” Severus said, startling Hermione as she examined the board with a shocked expression. </p><p>“How do you win... <em> Every. Single. Time?!” </em> </p><p>“You distract yourself far too easily, Miss Granger… especially concerning that <em> boy.” </em> he mumbled. </p><p>“Oh, so you do have something to say on the matter.” Hermione said in her know-it-all tone, although she tried to say it more playful. </p><p>Snape groaned, closing his eyes with a pained expression on his face.  “Christ almighty, I already feel a headache coming on-“ </p><p>Hermione laughed at his response, easing the tension. “Relax, I’m only teasing! No more talking about... that then. I will say I <em> definitely </em> don’t feel like getting beat by you at chess again. What else can we do?” She moved to the couch from her seat at the table, grabbing a book off his coffee table. Her eyebrows raised in interest at the title, <em> The Man’s Guide to Women </em> , <em> “Ouhhh, </em> what’s <em> this </em>you’ve been reading?” </p><p>She flinched as the book was snatched from her in an instant, and she immediately pressed her lips together to cover her smirk. He was towering over her, clearly displeased at her finding.</p><p>“What did I say about touching my personal effects? I let you into my personal living space as a peace offering, and you can’t follow a simple request?” he asked angrily. </p><p>“I know you’re a private person, but I thought...” </p><p>“Thought what?” </p><p>“I just… I just thought we were past a certain comfort zone with each other!” She swallowed at the dark look in his eyes, instantly regretting raising her voice at him. Hermione always told him she was not afraid of him. Well, at least once she understood what he had gone through, and where all his pent up anger came from, she was no longer afraid. Most of the time, she was able to find amusement in his bad-tempered ways. But in situations like this when he became angry with her, when it was her fault, no matter how minor the cause, she felt fearful. </p><p>Fearful that he would consider destroying the contract. Fearful that he would no longer accept her into his life. Push her away for good. </p><p>Now, as she looked up at him, she seriously contemplated if she was out of her mind to try to get close to such a seemingly dark wizard. She wished she could assure herself he would not physically harm her for any reason, but she really didn’t know him as well as she would like to... And he had such a short fuse.</p><p>Severus watched as her innocent honey brown eyes peered up at him under her lashes, arms tightly holding her knees together as if waiting for punishment. Sensing her anxiety, for he had not given her a response yet, he let out a regretful sigh. He placed the book back on the table, and sat down next to her. Moments passed as he stared into the flames of the fireplace. </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Hermione said meekly. </p><p>“No,” he simply stated, turning his head to face her. “I overreacted. I am-... I apologize-“</p><p>“It’s okay, Severus,” she said sincerely. </p><p>He felt grateful for her quick forgiveness. </p><p>She scooted closer to him, and then, unexpectedly to him, she began to slowly rub his back. “I know you’re stressed.” When his eyebrow arched inquisitively at her, she let out a small laugh. “Ya know, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I have a book like that, too,” she said confidently. </p><p>“The book was a gift. From a friend.”</p><p>“You have friends?” she teased. </p><p>Severus rolled his eyes, noting the dimple on her cheek as she tried not to smile. “Very funny. Contrary to popular belief, I have a few people in my life. And of course, this book is supposedly meant to help men cultivate relationships of some sort. Although, I believe <em> experience </em> is the best teacher, and certainly more <em> fun,” </em> he smirked. </p><p>Hermione snorted quietly. “OK, I would love to have a list of things you find ‘fun’...” When he wrinkled his brow at her, she tsked. “Oh, you know what I mean!”</p><p>“In any case, I prefer not to take advice from a book that is essentially regurgitating... <em> drivel </em> about the asinine concept of dating.” He took a moment to reflect. “I suppose it was thoughtful of Lucius to gift it to me, but I have no use for it,” he admitted, gesturing to the offending object with a wave of his hand. </p><p>Hermione laughed. “How is Mr. Malfoy?”</p><p>He sat back at her question, looking at her with curious eyes. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”</p><p>She scoffed. “I’m sure Mr, Malfoy’s private life is not that interesting... Anyway, how about I take a look at the book, and I’ll let you know if it’s really ‘regurgitated drivel’ or not? Or I could just give you advice myself. After all, I am a woman,” she pointed out, smirking. </p><p>“Are you? I wasn’t sure,” he replied sarcastically, eyeing her curves as she reached over his legs to grab the book off the table. </p><p>Shaking her head at him with a blush staining her cheeks, she leaned back into the cushions and started flipping through the pages. </p><p>“Find anything interesting, yet?” Snape asked boredly.</p><p>She pursed her lips in thought as she read a passage. “Nothing I haven’t read before. So far, your assessment of the usefulness of this book is accurate...” She scoffed in disgust at the page. “I can’t believe some men think like this. I’m assuming Malfoy got his “charms” from reading this? No wonder he’s such a bastard.” </p><p>Snape chuckled. “And yet he has women lining up at his door. He may be a bastard, but he knows what he’s doing.”</p><p>“What does <em> he </em> have that <em> you </em> don’t? I think if you put yourself out there more, you’d find that many women would be willing-“</p><p>“You’re misunderstanding my dilemma, Miss Granger. I don’t have a problem garnering women’s attention. It’s…” he sighed heavily in frustration. </p><p>Hermione noticed the way his eyes were downcast, his appearance rather despondent. </p><p>“I have a problem with intimacy,” he rushed out. “And why I am choosing to share this information with you, I-“ </p><p>“What kind of intimacy?” she immediately asked, tilting her head curiously. She maneuvered her body into a more comfortable position to face him. Her legs were curled up on the seat, with her elbow on the back of the couch, propping up her head. </p><p>“Curiosity killed the cat, Miss Granger.” He glared at her playfully. </p><p>She rolled her eyes. “I told you I’m not scared of you.”</p><p>“You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if you could recite the textbook definition of every type of intimacy, the know-it-all that you are.” </p><p>“So emotional intimacy is one,” she stated proudly, ignoring his defensive remark. </p><p>He visibly winced, safeguarding himself from her evaluation of his internal struggles by avoiding her eyes. “On second thought, I don’t feel comfortable discussing this.” Standing up abruptly, he made himself a glass of scotch at his liquor cabinet. </p><p>“Ok, well, that’s a start... you sharing <em> some </em> semblance of feelings.” She watched him scoff in response. “Hey, you have anything over there that you think I’d like? Maybe white wine?” she asked brazenly. </p><p>Her words caused him to embarrassingly sputter a bit of his drink. Wiping his chin quickly with a napkin, he cleared his throat. “I beg your pardon?” </p><p>“Oh, come on! I’m legally an adult - albeit a student under your tutelage - but it’s not like i’m roaming the halls for all to see! I’m with <em> you…and </em> in private!” she implored.</p><p>“Miss Granger, please...” He turned to her with a tired look, “Despite my rather sordid past, I do like to follow rules once in a while. And I would expect you of all people to follow them religiously-”</p><p>“See, but that’s it! I’m bloody tired of being the girl everyone sees as a… teacher’s pet! Or a…” She waved her arms around while she found the words, “Goody two-shoes!” she said with exasperation. Severus just stared at her, and eventually Hermione turned away with a huff, rolling her eyes at the ceiling. “Just forget it.”</p><p>A few moments later, she felt the cushions move, and watched as Severus sat back down next to her, holding out a glass of what looked like orange juice.</p><p>Hermione gave him a tentative smile, reaching for the offering. “I’m sorry...again.”</p><p>He shook his head in the negative. “Don’t be.” He gestured to her glass with a tilt of his head. “Just don’t get too excited,” he mumbled into his glass, leaning back into the cushions.</p><p>“What is it?” she asked as she examined the glass.</p><p>“Nothing too strong. I think you’ll like it,” he stated confidently.</p><p>“And how are we so sure?” she challenged.</p><p>“Taste it,” he commanded in his silky baritone. </p><p>Hermione blushed lightly at the command, bringing the drink to her lips and taking a sip. “Mm!” She looked at him wide-eyed. “<em>Fuck,</em> I did not expect that to taste so fruity!” she said before taking another sip.</p><p>Severus chuckled. “I give you one drink, which you have not even finished yet-” He indicated with his hand. “And you’re already shouting obscenities. Maybe you’re not as much of a ‘goody two-shoes’ as people imagine you to be, after all, hm?” he asked with keen interest.</p><p>After giving him a care-free shrug, she noticed a peculiar gleam in his eye as he looked at her. She couldn’t help but smirk in response. “Sooo… what were we talking about before?”</p><p>“I’m afraid I cannot recall,” he replied dismissively.</p><p>She rolled her eyes at him, “Yes, you do. We were talking about <em> you</em>, mister.” She pointed at him with her finger. “You need to stop worrying about showing your vulnerable side. You’re human, and we all have one. Plus... vulnerability is kind of... <em> sexy</em>,” she added.</p><p>He gazed at her curiously. “Is that so?”</p><p>She smiled coyly at him. “Mhm...”</p><p>A comfortable silence was felt between the two of them until eventually, Severus spoke up. “What else do you find sexy?” </p><p>Her eyes widened a bit in surprise, and she found herself feeling somewhat nervous to tell him...was it arousal that made her so nervous? She bit her lip in contemplation. “Well... in terms of personality, I’d say sense of humor is very important. Intelligence. Confidence... Physically, I guess the most important attribute for me is... a man’s eyes. And his voice. How he uses it to…” She blushed hotly. ”You know.”</p><p>Snape raised an eyebrow, asking bluntly, “To turn you on?”</p><p>She giggled quietly. “That’s one way to put it. I mean, to be honest, I haven’t met many… <em> boys </em> at my age with <em> that </em>kind of voice. I guess it’s more of an age or development problem than anything else. Or maybe it’s just me.”</p><p>“Just you?” He turned his body more towards hers, placing his arm on the back of the couch.</p><p>Hermione mirrored his movement, her knee lightly brushing up against his thigh. She rested her cheekbone against her knuckles, looking up at him. “Yeah. Like... Maybe I’m just too picky or I’m overthinking it. But at the same time, I don’t think I am…” She looked down suddenly with a frown, removing her gaze from his own. She let out a breath of a laugh. “A voice is just such a silly thing to obsess over.”</p><p>His gaze wandered over her downturned face in contemplation. </p><p>She felt him gently tucking a loose curl behind her ear before encouraging her to lift her chin up with his finger. She caught a whiff of his cologne as his hand lingered. </p><p>
  <em> Oh my God, is he going to...Mm...he smells so nice </em>
</p><p>But he didn’t kiss her as she half-hoped, the other part of her scared to pass that threshold with him until she knew he would not reject her advances. He spoke softly, reassuring her, “I don’t think so. As you told me earlier, there is nothing to be embarrassed about, Hermione.”</p><p>Hermione swallowed at his use of her name, praying he did not hear how loud it sounded to her own ears in the silence of the room. He had, of course, spoken her name before, but not as often as she liked. She bit her lip before responding, “What do <em> you </em> find sexy?”</p><p>His eyes wandered over her face briefly, but she noticed they remained stuck on her lips for a moment too long. Her tongue darted out quickly to wet her lips in invitation. When his gaze returned to hers in recognition of that fact, she blushed profusely. </p><p>
  <em> Maybe he does want me... </em>
</p><p>He smirked knowingly, and spoke gently, “I find a woman that goes after what she wants <em> very </em>sexy.” His voice dropped an octave, “What do you want, Hermione?” After a few seconds of her watching her stare in a daze at him, he commanded, “Tell me.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Don't you just love cliffhangers? ;) Please leave comments to let me know how you genuinely feel about how this is progressing! I would love to hear ideas for future chapters, and appreciate all the love and support :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Testing the Waters</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to those who are loyal and continue to wait for updates. Sorry this took more time than it should have. But it came just in time for Christmas ✨😇</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b> <em>His voice dropped an octave, “What do you want, Hermione?” After a few seconds of her watching her stare in a daze at him, he commanded, “Tell me.”</em> </b>
</p><p>—————————————————————</p><p>She immediately gasped at his unexpected forwardness. She could hear her heart pounding in her chest. His face was close enough to hers where she could feel his light exhale of hot breath on her cheek. </p><p>“I-...” Her mouth opened and closed as she struggled to form a response. “I can’t,” she said regretfully, swallowing down her nerves. </p><p>“Why?” he asked gently, trying to maintain a sense of calm despite the frustration he felt at her words.</p><p>“Because it doesn’t matter what I want.” All the time she had spent with him thus far had her eagerly awaiting for him to make the first move, but now that the moment was here, she felt like she was cornered. A small part of her knew she could trust him if she told him how she felt. He sounded like he genuinely wanted her to admit it, but why? She wasn’t 100% sure she was ready to act on those feelings. Insecurity began to invade her mind. What if he was only asking her so he could make fun of her for all the time she wasted trying to get to know him? Despite her current feelings towards him, he was still a Slytherin Bastard. Had he been playing a game? She looked at him with suspicion. “You’re asking me what I want, but you already know.”</p><p>“If you’re wondering if I’ve invaded your mind, I have not. But I have sensed… <em> something.” </em> He admitted. “You don’t trust me,” he stated without question.</p><p>The look she gave him seemed to satisfy as an answer.</p><p>He looked away, attempting to create distance from her. However, Hermione didn’t allow him to, quickly grabbing the sleeve of his frock coat. </p><p>Snape immediately looked down at her hand on his sleeve, and then looked into her eyes. His brow furrowed as he watched her just stare at him, presumably in contemplation of what to do next. </p><p>After a few moments, she decided to move closer to him, wrapping her arm around his and placing her head on his shoulder. She asked quietly, “Do we want the same thing?”</p><p>He leaned his head back into the cushion, tilting it to look down at her. If she tilted her head just a tad upwards, their lips would be mere inches apart. He knew this would only be the beginning of the problems they would face due to their age gap if he decided to pursue something with the girl. She was already showing signs of inexperience, which he expected even as he tried to initiate something earlier. But she still did not cower away from him in fear, he noted as he watched her play with a button on his frock. He finally answered her question, albeit rather sarcastically in his Snape-like manner, “I don’t believe we would be in this current position unless that were true.”</p><p>She immediately buried her face in his shoulder, unable to repress a small, but muffled laugh.</p><p>Snape raised his eyebrows at her reaction, somehow managing to stifle his own chuckle at her contagious laughter. Now that her nerves seemed to have calmed down, he hesitantly placed his hand on the small of her back, and comfortingly stroked his thumb back and forth. At first he felt her tense up, but she began to eventually relax into his chest. Their breathing and the crack of the fire was the only noise in the room.</p><p>When she felt his thumb cease its movement, she peered up at him. His head was leaning back into the couch, his Adam’s apple prominent from the shadows in the light. His eyes appeared closed to her, but he held them slightly open as he gazed at her. His lips were a slightly darker-pink tint, a stark contrast to his pale skin, and not at all dry or chapped. Believing he was not watching her, she tried to be as careful as possible as she raised herself up on her knees to his level, and pressed a gentle kiss to his bottom lip. She felt his lips open slightly in response as she ghosted her lips over his. She kissed him again with more pressure, and hesitantly stroked her fingers across his jawline, trying to control the angle of the kiss. Snape was trying to suppress his own urge to take control, but thankfully after a few seconds, Hermione pulled back hesitantly and breathed, “I don’t know if I’m doing this right.”</p><p>Snape took a moment to draw a breath before mumbling against her lips, “We know whose fault that is…” While she scoffed quietly in apparent agreement, he lightly ran his fingers through her hair to brush it away from her face before gently pulling her into an open-mouthed kiss. He let the tip of his tongue barely touch her lips, waiting for her to invite him in. Once she did, a small, indiscernible noise left her throat at the feel of his wet tip gliding slowly across her tongue. She tried to learn from the motions he made, and they quickly developed a natural rhythm. At one point he offered encouragement, mumbling lowly against her lips, “That’s it…,” which made her moan.</p><p>Hermione couldn’t believe the difference in the way Snape kissed her compared to Ron. She felt heat rising within her, decidedly arousal; something she never felt while simply kissing Ron. Suddenly, Snape released her lips, and she couldn’t help the little whine that escaped her at the loss. They both took a brief moment to catch their breath before Snape asked, “Why do I sense your mind is running a mile a minute?”</p><p>She swallowed, speaking quietly, “I’m sorry, I’m trying not to think, but it’s hard.”</p><p>He glanced down at her lips, not yet red nor swollen enough to his liking. “Listen to me. Stop thinking, and just… <em> feel, </em>Hermione,” he commanded as their lips reconnected.</p><p>Hermione somehow managed to turn her brain off and do just that, and he praised her a few moments later for following his command. “Good girl…” he said, making her blush even hotter than she already was. Their hands wandered a bit; she would run her fingers through his hair hesitantly, he would slowly caress her sides and her back, trying not to touch anywhere she might feel uncomfortable with. Eventually, there came a point where Hermione felt so overwhelmed by the sensations that she forced herself to slow down and pull back. She didn’t want him to think he had such a hold on her when they had only just kissed! But he had nearly made her orgasm just from his kisses and innocent touches alone. </p><p>
  <em> Maybe it’s just built up frustration </em>
</p><p>The thought still terrified her.</p><p>Little did Hermione realize, Snape was dealing with a much…<em> bigger </em> problem. He tried his damndest to hide the evidence of his arousal with his robes as she scooted away from him. Luckily she seemed to be preoccupied with slowing her own heart beat and catching her breath instead of worrying about his state. She looked at the time on her watch, “It’s getting late, I should probably get back to my room before Filch starts his rounds.”</p><p>Snape nodded, and quickly cleared his throat before speaking with a bit of a strain, “Yes, I think that would be best.” </p><p>She gave him a shy peck on his cheek before she stood to leave. She combed her fingers through her hair briefly, looking down at her clothing to make sure everything was put to rights. Contrary to how she currently felt inside, they hadn’t gotten too carried away where she needed to necessarily fix her appearance. Her hair was difficult to tame on a daily basis regardless. </p><p>He watched her walk to the door, bewildered at her ability to be venturesome one moment and back to being somewhat shy the next. He smirked with an idea, and called out to her, “I’ll see you in class, Miss Granger.” </p><p>She paused with her hand on the door handle, blushing at his use of her formal title. “Goodnight, Professor,” she replied before leaving. </p><p>
  <em> Boy, she’s something else... </em>
</p><p>
  <b>✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨</b>
</p><p>Hermione jumped onto her mattress the second she entered her room, landing face first. She groaned into her comforter as she thought about everything that just happened, and what was to come. She wanted this, didn’t she? Her head and her heart were at constant war with each other ever since school started back up, and she began to develop feelings towards Professor Snape. Not only was he her professor, but he was twice her age, and an ex-death eater to boot. His past was something she had already forgiven, and told him so, but no matter how desperately she tried to actually see him for the hero he ended up revealing himself to be, she was unable to let go of some doubts. She laughed at herself, remembering his words to stop thinking and just feel. Apparently she could only do so on command - <em> his command.  </em></p><p>
  <em> If he were here now, I bet he’d try and punish me for disobeying it. </em>
</p><p>She flipped over onto her back and stared up at her ceiling. Was that really something she wanted? To be controlled?... She had gotten so used to wearing the pants, so to speak, in her relationship with Ron that she believed that was just her way. But she wanted to embrace change. All the years she aimed to please Snape in the classroom, seeking out his approval… was that all this was? Or was this ‘spark’ between them something more?</p><p>Her mind yet again could not stop thinking about Ron, and how he would feel if he found out she had been unfaithful to him, in a way. Actually, she was more nervous of what he would do if he found out she had gone off and snogged Snape of all people. She felt like a cheater, and an asshole for potentially leading him on. On the other hand, she thought she had expressed her dissatisfaction of their relationship clearly enough a few weeks ago… However, that was until he had somehow persuaded her to give him another chance. While Ron had continued to express sexual interest in her, she had not outright lied or deceived him with her own interest. If anything, from her point of view, all their relationship currently was - was friends with benefits. Only now she hoped to explore her sexuality with someone else… Someone that could actually teach her a thing or two.</p><p>The time spent thus far with Professor Snape - <em> Severus </em>- had been, and continued to excite her. The idea of future visits gave her a reason to want to wake up in the morning, encouraged her to look more feminine by putting on some makeup or styling her hair more often, and generally helped her feel less depressed. She hadn’t realized how influential his constant presence in her life had become until he nearly died. She knew now that all the sneering and belittling comments he made to her through her school years were not only a product of the abuse he suffered, but an essential piece of the identity he presented to the world. Any signs of weakness on his part would have risked everything including, she thought selfishly, her protection. If anything, his comments helped her see the reality of the war at a young age, helping her become the witch she is today. Right now, all that mattered to her was the fact that seeing him truly helped alleviate her nightmares and her depression, and she wasn’t going to allow anything or anyone to risk her losing that. Now that they’d established they had some sexual chemistry, she was all the more excited to see where they would go from here. </p><p>But what the hell was she going to do about Ron? </p><p>
  <b>✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨</b>
</p><p>Number one on her to-do list was to figure out how to let Ron down gently without causing a rift between them. She couldn’t see how that was possible. With emotions running high during and after the war, their first kiss… For a time, they were exactly what each other needed. But she felt it in her heart that no matter how much he tried to please her, the relationship would always continue to be one-sided, and that wasn’t fair to either of them. What’s more, she felt butterflies in her stomach just thinking about Severus, and she couldn’t recall feeling that way about Ron in a long time. </p><p><em> This is the right thing to do, </em>she thought as she entered the Gryffindor Common Room, seeking him out to clear the air once and for all. She prayed that his stubbornness wouldn’t get the best of him…or her own.</p><p>She caught sight of Harry, Ron, Ginny and a few others sitting in a group by the fire, howling with laughter. </p><p>“Hey guys. What are you up to?” Hermione asked, making her way towards one person in particular. </p><p>At the sound of her voice, Ron immediately drew his attention to her, a beaming smile on his face, “Hey, you!” The eager way he stood up prompted some of the other boys to let out rather derisive snorts. Ginny just rolled her eyes at them, giving Harry a particularly stern look.</p><p>Ron took a moment to scowl at them, “Oi! Piss off! Get back to your game!” He approached Hermione who was trying to hide a smirk at their antics. “Where’ve you been? You wanna join us? Were just-”</p><p>“No-no, that’s okay. I really just came to see you. Um…Maybe this isn’t such a good time.” Her eyes shifted anxiously from the group of observers and settled on just about anything else, even particularly uninteresting portraits on the wall. </p><p>Sensing the awkwardness she was feeling, Ron glanced back at the group which made them quickly avert their eyes. He shook his head, “Good time for what?”</p><p>She lowered her voice so the group couldn’t hear her, “You think we could go in your room to talk in private?”</p><p>“Yeah, alright. Come on.” He led the way, shutting the door and locking it before turning to her. She was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at her hands in her lap. </p><p>Hermione suddenly found herself being pushed back into the mattress, Ron hovering over her. </p><p>“You missed me, is that it?” He smirked, leaning down to kiss her lips.</p><p>In an attempt to speak up against his attack, her words got trapped, coming out as a small noise in her throat as their lips locked. She put her hands against his chest to push him back. “Ron, I didn’t come here to just fool around with you!” she whispered loudly, trying to keep her voice down. “And I tell you all the time, you have to cast a muffliato charm or someone’s gonna hear us.”</p><p>“Yeah, but…doesn’t that turn you on - just a bit?” he asked, making another attempt to kiss her, but Hermione exclaimed, “Ron!”, shoving him off to the side. </p><p>She stood up from the bed and glared down at him, hastily casting her own muffliato charm. “God, all you think about is <em> sex</em>!”</p><p>Ron groaned, sitting up. “Bloody hell, I’m your boyfriend, aren’t I? I haven’t even been inside you yet, and we’ve known each other practically our whole lives, Hermione! I can’t help it, I’ve got blue balls!”</p><p>Ron’s unique use of vocabulary would always make her giggle at the most inopportune times - like now. “I’m sorry, I do feel bad, but…” Now that she was here and had the opportunity to speak up, she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t have many people in her life, especially after several of her friends had died during the battle. The war had changed her in so many ways. Her anxiety had made her keep people in her life for the sake of it, even if it meant ignoring her true feelings about them or how poorly they treated her. </p><p>“Come here.” At her hesitation, he spoke again to reassure her, ”I promise I won’t try anything, alright?” As he watched her cautiously walk towards him, he held his hands out for her to grab. She let him place her hands on his shoulders, and he held her at her hips. “If there’s something wrong, then tell me, and I’ll fix it.”</p><p>She shook her head at him in amazement, smiling almost pityingly at his undying need to never give up. “It’s not that simple, Ron…” </p><p>“I know I fucked up a few times, and I’m just being honest here, but I feel like the Gods are always working against me when it comes to you. I would <em> never </em>want to hurt you, ever. And those two times in Snape’s class-”</p><p>“<em> Professor </em> Snape,” she quickly corrected him. “And, I know…” The mention of <em> his </em> name was reminding her of her guilt. She looked at him for a long moment, examining the worry marks between his brows. “I have an idea. Why don’t we just keep our options open? If someone does happen to strike your fancy, I am giving you the green light to pursue it.”</p><p>Ron’s mouth opened in shock. “You don’t want to be exclusive? That doesn’t sound like you at all, ‘Moine,” he said worriedly. </p><p>“Yeah, well, we’re not the same people we used to be. I think this could be a healthy change for both of us. And a part of me really does…” She brushed her hand through his hair, combing it out of his face affectionately. “Still care for you very much.”</p><p>The corner of his mouth twitched at her words. “You are the smarter one out of the two of us. But I really don’t think I’m gonna want anyone else, Hermione-”</p><p>“Just try, okay? For me? For us?” </p><p>He sighed in defeat. “If you think it will help our relationship, then fine. I’m not happy about the possibility of another man touching you…but I can’t imagine my life without you in it. So, yeah. I’ll try.” </p><p>
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</p><p>Hermione had tried to avoid visiting Snape in private for a week or so to give her time to think things through. However, it was proving quite difficult as having to see Snape in class only made her long for him more so. It was so early on in whatever relationship they’d cultivated for her to even be feeling this way, and she doubted he even felt the same. Maybe it was just anticipation? </p><p>She was currently sitting beside Draco, trying to concentrate on copying down Professor Snape’s lecture notes. Thankfully, Snape had assigned partners today to avoid any incidents like the last. Her and Draco had no problems working together as they developed mutual respect for each other despite his bullying of her and her friends through the years. Just as Snape was misunderstood, she believed Draco was as well. Many, although not all, of the people that appeared to be ‘evil’ were merely victims of their own circumstances. Draco was one of those people. The boys, however, still currently held a grudge against each other despite her efforts to help them move on. </p><p>As always, she was the first one to finish her note-taking. She observed the rest of the class, noting all of them were still busy writing with their quills. Usually she would read another chapter in her book while she waited, but not today. She left the book open on her desk to appear as such, but instead, discreetly watched Snape pace the front of the room with his hands behind his back. He looked quite imposing with his ramrod straight back, and purposeful steps that never seemed to falter. Or if he did hesitate his steps, she wasn’t able to notice. At a point, he stopped pacing and turned to face the class. They exchanged eye contact, and she could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks at the intensity of his stare. </p><p>The moment was broken when a student piped up, “Professor, can we get our supplies when we’re finished with our notes? So we have more time to do the assignment?”, and Snape’s gaze drifted from hers to stare the boy down.</p><p>He took his time walking over to him, and examined the notebook. “Hm. You believe you deserve a head start on your assignment simply because you managed to rush your notes, Mr. Farley? This handwriting is abysmal. Write it again. This time, more... <em>legible</em>,” he growled. He then addressed the class, “This goes for all of you. When you are finished with your notes, bring them to my desk for approval, and then you may get your supplies.” </p><p>Snape was used to hearing the groans and moans that followed his command of the classroom. </p><p>When Professor Snape’s back was turned, Mr. Farley made the unfortunate mistake of whispering his frustration to his classmate, “Approval? What are we in - <em>primary</em> <em>school?”</em></p><p>Hermione watched with wide-eyes as Snape paused his step, expecting him to unleash his wrath upon the poor soul. </p><p>But then Professor Snape merely continued his trek, responding, “Based on the work you hand in, it would seem so.” </p><p>Some snickering resulted at Mr. Farley’s expense.  </p><p>
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</p><p>Snape stopped dead in his tracks in the doorway to the storeroom as he caught sight of Hermione standing on her tippy toes, reaching for an ingredient on a high shelf. He leaned casually into the door frame, his arms crossed. </p><p>“Stealing from my stores again?” he teased.</p><p>The sudden sound and close proximity of his voice startled her in the small room, a gasp escaping her before she turned to face him. “What- Oh. No, of course not!” Her expression immediately changed to one of regret at his raised eyebrow. “Sorry… Professor, I was just getting one more ingredient, and then I’ll be able to help Draco with the assignment.” She turned back to the shelf, organizing the bottles the way she knew he would have done. </p><p>Snape checked for any observers before allowing himself to nonchalantly close the door by a few inches, just enough to provide a modicum of privacy. He also cast a muffliato charm. </p><p>Hermione felt his presence as he came to stand next to her. “You have such quiet footsteps. How long were you standing there?”</p><p>“Not very long.”</p><p>“My struggle amused you, I’m sure,” she replied sarcastically. She couldn’t help but smile at the quiet chuckle he released.  </p><p>Snape cleared his throat. <em> Now is as good a time as any. </em> “Miss Granger, I have been meaning to speak to you about our <em> agreement</em>, as it were. If there is any doubt in your mind... if it is no longer something you wish to continue, I implore you to tell me now.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he mentally berated himself for showing concern. Unfortunately, Hermione did not see it that way.</p><p>Hermione’s eyes narrowed in confusion, and she finally stopped what she was doing to face him. She took a moment to think of how she should respond while remaining within the limits of their conversation. “Are you trying to tell me you no longer want my assistance?”</p><p>Snape sighed audibly, speaking with conviction as he looked into her eyes, “I did not say that.”</p><p>“You didn’t have to, Severus,” she said, her insecurity showing. She looked towards the door, considering going back to her lab table, but he placed his hand on her shoulder to keep her in place. Her eyes darted to his in challenge, but Snape’s profound need to be dominant superseded her own proclivity towards it, and she looked away in defeat. “Damnit,” she whispered under her breath. </p><p>Her immature behavior was not unexpected, but it reminded him of how delicate their ‘situation’ was in terms of their age gap. He fought the urge to tell her she was acting like a petulant child, and instead tried to be more understanding, if he was even capable of such. As they spent more time together, he had started to notice that depending on the way in which he spoke to her, she always responded in kind. And so, he said calmly, “You misunderstood me, Hermione.” </p><p>“Why are you asking, then?” she asked innocently, genuinely not understanding. </p><p>“I have noticed your demeanor has changed since… last we spoke. I’m merely asking for clarification that your interest remains.” He quickly added, “In following our agreement.”</p><p>Realization crossed her features, “Oh. I-...I’ve just been caught up with other things, and…” She shook her head, her mouth moving but no words coming out as she tried to figure out how to say what she was feeling. “I <em> want </em> to continue pursuing our agreement, but I <em> do </em> have some doubts in my mind about certain… things.” <em> God, Hermione, now you’ve really scared him off! </em>She bit her lip as she waited for his response.</p><p>Hermione expressed her emotions so clearly that Snape could see how frustrated she was with herself. “I would like you to see me outside of class to discuss this, Miss Granger,” he said simply. </p><p>She nodded her head in agreement, smiling slightly. They stared at each other for a moment before she spoke truthfully, “You know, you really didn’t have to be so mean to that boy…”</p><p>He immediately gave her a look of contempt before turning on his heel to leave the room, “Time is of the essence, Miss Granger. Get to work!” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I had trouble deciding what to do about Ron…I hope most of you can understand Hermione’s confusion with just breaking things off with someone you have known practically your whole life, and do not judge her harshly. I don’t want her to come off as manipulative or a user, but some may think that. They have a special relationship regardless, and one second she is adamant that they should not be, the next she is trying her damn best to salvage the relationship. As I’m sure we all know, matters of the heart are complicated.</p>
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